Searching for Satisfaction - Rediscovering Me

I've Moved!

2010-05-02T20:43:00.003-05:00

I decided to move the blog, because Blogger was giving me fits. Its been fun, but its time to move.

So the new blog address is:

http://blackgirlunlost.wordpress.com

Pls adjust your bookmarks, Google Reader, RSS feeds, etc. And tell your friends!

My Minnesota Dating Life

2010-04-19T09:00:00.001-05:00

I've been back in Minneapolis for about 3 months now, and it has been great. I'm so happy to be back.

Since I've been back, my dating life has been interesting with its shares of ups and downs.

When I got my job offer, I was dating 3 different men in Orlando. When I left, I was down to 1, cause 1 dude got cut (that damn DB, I kept giving him chance after chance and he kept fucking up!) and 1 dude cut me since I was leaving (oh well). The dude that I kept was the one I liked the most out of the 3, and had I stayed in Orlando he would have been my boyfriend. Anyway, we still talk but I'm not sure what's going to happen.

Before I moved, there was a guy, MD, who was sweating me hard and couldn't wait for me to move because he wanted us to date. Yet once I was arrived, he went AWOL - very curious. I've pretty much written him off...he asked me out last night but I don't think I'm going. He isn't consistent and I don't have time for that.

Don't think I've been sitting at home bored tho. I've been going out on dates almost every weekend, which has been great. I reconnected with someone I knew back in college...well actually, we "knew" each other in college but didn't really know much about each other, so we're connecting for the first time. Its been fun spending time with him and getting to know him. I know it won't turn into anything serious, at least not anytime soon, and I'm more than cool with that. But my desire for a serious relationship hasn't changed, so I'm going to keep swimming in the Twin Cities dating pool.

Making Friends

2010-04-07T09:00:00.003-05:00

Remember when it was so easy to make friends? You met other kids on the playground or at Cub/Girl Scouts or at school...You played on the jungle gym, or passed notes to each other in class and a friendship was born.

Making friends is so easy when you're young, especially when you're in an environment where everyone is around the same age and has a shared experience, like school (including college). But how do you make friends when you don't have the benefit of constantly being surrounded by like-minded people?

This was my conundrum when I moved to Florida, and to some extent since I've moved back to Minnesota. By nature of my industry and career, at work I'm surrounded by older White men (with a few White women sprinkled in), and that's not really a source of friends. Having sorors is great, but just because two people share the same Greek letters, that doesn't mean they will be friends.

So when you're out of school and in your career, how do you make friends? My strategy was to dive-in & get involved with activities that would allow me to meet new folks, via Meetup groups & Restaurant Mafia in Orlando. I had friends in other places hook me up with their friends in Orlando, so at least I'd know a couple folks, which helped a lot.

But meeting people is just step 1...it takes more than that be friends with someone. That's the part I'm not good at - not being a friend (cause I think I'm a good friend), but recognizing that someone wants to be more than casual acquaintances with you and hanging out with them. I tend to not want to bother people or take up too much of their time, so with several of the friends I've made in the past 5 years, it took me forever to get close with them. I wasn't hiding, I was just oblivious & also shy (what can I say, I'm a wuss). Asking a guy out on a date is easy...but asking someone to hang out as friends? Tricky...at least for me.

So how do you make friends as an adult? Am I the only one who has a hard time with it? Let me know!

Who Is Jubilance?

2010-03-25T19:37:00.000-05:00

A blogger & Twitter friend @faydra_deon asked me if I had a bio on my blog, and I realized I didn't!

Some of you know me IRL, others e-know me from the Internets, and I'm sure some of you just stumbled on this crazy blog & keep reading cause you liked it. But I've never really introduced myself on this blog...or even on Confessions of a Grad School Slave either, so what the heck, I can do it now!

So who is Jubilance? Well let's see...

I'm the oldest of 4 kids. I have 2 brother right below me, who are both married and have kids. My sister is the baby. My brothers had 3 babies 5 days apart (1 set of twins & 1 single birth) so I am the proud auntie of 3 gorgeous little ladies who I love to pieces. All my siblings live in MI, along with both my parents, my aunts & uncles & most of my cousins. I'm the only one so far who has left, and I have zero plans to move back. I try to get home & visit my family whenever I can.

I've always been bossy, or as my dad liked to say at parent-teacher night "VERY assertive". I've always had a leader mentality which my dad encouraged. Now as an adult I've learned how to tone it down a bit in certain situations.

I'm from MI, but I went to college in MN, and apparently that confuses people...like what, folks can't go to college out of state? For real? 0_o I loved my college experience: I made great friends, partied, road-tripped, pledged, partied some more, fell in love, fell out of love, grew & learned so much about myself, and occasionally went to class too. I'm very proud of the fact that I graduated with a degree in Chemistry in 4 years, 8 semesters & no summers to be exact. Sometimes I wish I had extended my collegiate experience a bit longer, but I definitely enjoyed myself while I was there.

I loved my grad school experience in Atlanta too...I'm very happy that I figured out that a PhD wasn't what I wanted before it was too late to walk away. I had a ball in Atlanta but I couldn't settle down there permanently. I love to visit tho!

My bff in the whole wide world is LK. We've known each other for 10+ years, after we met at a summer engineering program at the University of Michigan. Through the years he's always been there & I will always love him. My mom loves him too & I think she's doing some voodoo spell right now to try to get us together, LOL.

I pledged Sigma Gamma Rho my senior year of undergrad and I love my sorority. I remember when I first pledged, I was such a neo. Its been almost 7 years and I've definitely mellowed on Greek life. I can't tell you the last time I wore nailia, or strolled, or even went to a stepshow. BTW, Jubilance is my linename, and that's how a lot of folks know me, if you know me from the Internets. In fact, some folks call me Jubi more than they use my real name. My linename reflected not only how I was online but also my overall personality & demeanor, so I don't mind being referred to as Jubilance or Jubi.

My last relationship was in August 2006, so its been almost 4 years since I was someone's gf. For a long time I was anti-relationship. Then there was my relationship-ADD & my 3 month rule (where I'd date a guy for about 3 months & then get bored with him). I've reflected, grown & gotten my life together, so I'm ready to be in a relationship again...with the right man. I've dated a lot since August 2006, had some almost-bf's, but haven't done the titles thing. I think its time to change that.

I'm a Twitter addict. When LK first invited me to join I was like "wtf is a Twitter?". Now I'm a junkie. Apps on the phone, Tweetdeck @ home, and I'm on the website at work as much as I can. For over a year I did a daily question of the day, but I've had to let it go since I can't access Twitter from my BB @ work anymore :-/

I have a really bad handbag habit. I really love Gucci, Michael Kors, and the leather Coach bags (the signature, not so much...). Right now I'm scheming on a couple of Michael Kors bags and a new Gucci, I figure I deserve it. Living in Orlando was both good & bad for my handbag habit: good in that several outlets were in town or nearby (including one of the few Gucci outlets in St. Augustine) but bad in that now I have way too many bags in my closet. I figure everyone has their "thing" that they spend $$$ on, for some its shoes, or electronics, or world travel...for me, its expensive handbags.

I am a huge SATC fan. I have every season on DVD, along with the movie. I will be at the midnight showing for SATC2. I know most of the dialogue for almost every episode by heart. SATC is what got into fashion & accessories, and my wardrobe has gotten much more fabulous.

Professionally, I am a polymer/analytical chemist. My first job out of grad school was with a defense contractor, as a member of the laboratory staff. Job was great, but my timetable for promotions wasn't matching up with theirs, so I left 2 months ago. Leaving also allowed me to move back to MN, which I love. I got a promotion & I'm in a totally new industry, so I'm learning a lot. In my new role I do much more analytical chemistry, which is an adjustment, but I'm adding my skills to my skillset so I'm happy.

I'm very social, I love to go out and do things. I'm not the type that likes to sit in the house, especially sit in the house up under a dude. I wanna be with my boo, but I want to get out and do activities, which is why I needed to be in a city with lots of activities & culture. I love museums, restaurants, bars, plays, sporting events, taking long weekends to somewhere new, all that good stuff. If its out & about, I wanna do it.

I'm very extroverted. I'm the type of person who will start randomly talking to strangers while waiting in a long line at the bank. I'm the woman who will chat it up with a guy at the bar. I feed off my interactions with other people, it gives me energy. I enjoy my alone time, but no one could confuse me for being introverted at all. I'm about as extroverted as you can get.

I have the greatest mom ever. We're very close & I'm so lucky that I have such a great mom. She's had a lot of struggles in her life & she worked really hard to give her kids the life she didn't have growing up. I joke & say that she must have had a clone because she worked full-time, went to school, took care of 4 kids & a husband and never missed a game, parent-teacher conference or school play. My mom is my idol & should I ever have kids, I hope that I can be even half the mother she is.

I'm a feminist. I don't want to be equal to a man, I love being a woman. I want women to have the same access and opportunities that men have, and mainstream Western society is nowhere near that. I tend to think in a very egalitarian manner, especially when it comes to gender roles in relationships. I don't subscribe to the idea that I have to wait for a man to approach me, or that because I'm the woman I'm supposed to cook and clean. Because I work in a very male-dominated field, I often feel more pressure & tend to look at things from a more feminist point of view.

I grew up in a very pro-Black household. My dad read a lot of Marcus Garvey, Malcom X, and Louis Farrakhan, and was briefly a member of NOI. Growing up, I remember my dad making us write reports on influential Black leaders & making us read them outloud to him before he would let us go play. All I had were Black dolls, books with Black characters and pictures, Black films, etc. in our house. As a child, I didn't understand what he was trying to give me...but once I was out in the real world, I understood. He tried to give us a foundation in our culture, a love & pride in my history & people, so that I could carry it with me always. I have & I thank my father for giving me those invaluable lessons.

I have plans for world domination. My ultimate career goal is to become VP of R&D for a Fortune 100 company. I have a business idea that I've been kicking around with my good friend LM, and I also have an investment idea with my buddy FS. Eventually I'd like to get married, but I'm still undecided on the kids thing. I want to mentor kids, especially young Black girls & make a significant impact on the world.

My other attributes...well, lets see: I can be a snob at times (tho I'm not as bad as I was, I guess I've matured); I love to laugh & crack jokes; I have a smart/sarcastic mouth; I'm fiercely loyal & I expect it back from the folks I call my friends; I detest when people judge other folks & I try not to judge because of that; I love variety, I get bored very easily; I'm a voracious reader; and I can talk for hours if the conversation is stimulating.

Learned enough abt me yet? Got anymore questions? Ask away!

The Cheek Kiss

2010-03-16T15:33:00.002-05:00

Everyone has something that is their "thing" right? A signature word/phrase/activity/mannerism that is unique to them...or at least unique enough that the folks they know associate it to them. I'm known for a lot of things...like telling people they need to do better & to get their lives together...the word "fabulous"...but with the fellas I'm known for one special move: the cheek kiss. That's right, I'm all about getting a kiss on the cheek. I don't even remember how it started...but somehow it became "my thing". I point to my cheek, & they know what to do, LOL. My friend QL said its kinda cougarish, LMAO. I think its cute. I love getting a kiss on the cheek from a guy, its like being a little kid again. Its sweet & endearing & completely non-sexual. I give cheek kisses too, but I'd rather receive one. A cheek kiss from a guy that you like, that also likes you back? That is the bestest. Anybody else into cheek kisses?

Online Love

2010-03-10T19:18:00.000-06:00

I started thinking about online relationships the other day. Not online dating in the traditional sense of Match.com & Blackpeoplemeet.com...but in terms of just meeting a person that would like to date, but you happen to meet online.

I know several couples who have met on various sites: Facebook, Myspace, various message boards (Greeks are notorious for this I think ), etc. In those settings, its not really about "meeting someone" (well maybe Myspace is abt that now, but it wasn't always that way, but I digress...)....its about connecting with like-minded folks & sharing your opinion. Even now, folks are linking up via Twitter, and I know there have to be a ton of relationships out there that started via Twitter. "Meeting" online is an interesting thing...cause you only know that person based on what they blog/post/tweet & that could either be a great representation of their personality & mannerisms, or they could be playing a character. Over the years I've meet folks in both groups: some folks are themselves on the 'Net & off, while others enjoy the anonymity of the 'Net & the ability to be someone that they aren't IRL. So what's the appeal of dating someone that you know from the Internets? In some ways, getting to know someone without the stress of physical interaction could be a great thing...provided that both people are being sincere & being themselves. Often those relationships go to a deeper level, because the only interaction that you can have requires some type of communication & sharing of information. Whether its a friendship or something more, being able to start off with strong communication is key. I gotta say, I've met some great friends online...and a few great lovers too. Besides being on FB & Twitter, I've belonged to various message boards over the years. I've gotten to connect with some folks that I would have never met otherwise. Some folks are "Internet-only friends", while others are the type of friends that you travel to see...or at least call when you're in their city. As for the men I've met...some have turned into friends...some got the boot...some were just casual Internet flirtations.... Given how prevalent social networking & other sites are now, & how wired so many people live (especially in my generation), I expect to hear even more "how we met" stories begin with the words "online", "on this website" or something similar. Ever dated or become IRL friends with someone you met online? I wanna hear stories in the comments!

Everyone's Looking For Their Own...

2010-02-23T20:18:00.003-06:00

I was talking to a friend the other night...discussing his love life, specifically a date he had lined up. Then he tells me about another woman he met, and he described her as having "Michelle Obama swag". I asked him for a definition...and he had nothing (boooooooooooooo!).

All I could do was *sigh*

It was bad enough when every chick had a FB status message proclaiming that they were looking for their Barack...now the men are in on this thing too? For real yall? Every college-educated Black person is looking their Barack or Michelle?

I'm all for folks having standards. Yall know there are way too many folks out there who either have no standards, or they are so low that midgets can hurdle over them, so I support that folks have standards & attributes that they are seeking in a future mate.

Am I the only one who bothered by this whole idea of holding the Obamas as some kind of Black marriage Holy Grail? Yes, they are a fabulous, successful couple that the entire world stans for, including me. Yes, they seem to genuinely love & support each other. But they aren't the be-all end-all perfect couple with the perfect marriage. They've been pretty candid about the issues they've had in their marriage and how they had to work & compromise to keep their family intact. I think its dangerous to romanticize anybody else's relationship...because when you get in your own, & its a lot harder than you imagined it to be, you're more apt to just give up on the whole thing.

Not to mention, there's the whole entitlement factor. We already got chicks out there thinking that dudes who don't have power locks aren't good enough for them...Now you gotta be an Ivy League educated attorney, former Senator & President of the United States to satisfy these women? And the men aren't off the hook either...its bad enough women are getting lacefronts and butt implants to impress men, now the ladies gotta get multiple degrees and be able to run a hospital by day & take care of the kids by night. The crazy part is that a lot of the folks who have such impossible standards, actually dont meet them themselves. What kind of sense does that make?

Now granted, its been a very long while since we've had such a couple to aspire to. Not since the Huxtables have young Black people had a power couple that was so prevalent in society to look towards as an example. But at the same time, I think for a lot of folks its just a setup for failure...mostly cause most folks aren't smart enough or deep enough to glean a specific message from the Obamas, or even the Huxtables. Too many folks are looking for those "resume" attributes when choosing a mate, when instead they should look at the relationship characteristics that their example couple exhibits & using that as a guide. Maybe you shouldn't only date attorneys, but instead look for someone who is willing to compromise their goals for the good of the family as a whole. Maybe instead of looking for a mate that's balling out of control, look for one who stands behind you & your choices 100%.

Thoughts?

I Used To Love Him...

2010-02-16T18:40:00.002-06:00

...but now I don't... I was driving him from work today...my iPod was on shuffle...and that song came on. I hadn't heard it in forever...I had to listen to it twice. This song is ME. Lyrics: As I look at what I've done The type of life that I've lived How many things I pray the father will forgive One situation involved a young man He was the ocean and I was the sand He stole my heart like a thief in the night Dulled my senses blurred my sight I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't I chose a road of passion and pain Sacrificed too much and waited in vain Gave up my power ceased being queen Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend Torn and confused wasted and used Reached the crossroad which path would I choose Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated For something to happen that just wasn't fated Thought what I wanted was something I needed When momma said no I just should have heeded Misled I bled till the poison was gone And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't Father you saved me and showed me that life Was much more than being some foolish man's wife Showed me that love was respect and devotion Greater than planets deeper than oceans My soul was weary but now it's replenished Content because that part of my life is finished I see him sometimes and the look in his eye Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold But my heart is gold I took back my soul And totally let my creator control The life which was his to begin with I used to love him but now I don't So many parts of this song speak to me...and about my love life up to this point. Especially Mary's verse, where she sings about following your passion because you're addicted to the love...sacrificing your crown for some man...knowing it good be so good, wishing/hoping/praying for it be as good as you know it could be...but its not. Yeah, that's been me. I have a really bad habit of loving hard. I go all in when I feel it, I just dive head-first into the pool of feelings...and sometimes I go in so deep & so fast that I can't make it out. And then once I do make it out, I refuse to test the waters again. I travel on a pendulum, and I swing from one extreme to the next, and then back again... I'm tired of that. Maybe I can wise up & figure this love/relationship thing out.

formspring.me

2010-02-09T18:41:00.001-06:00

You're a beautiful , intellegent, extremely focused woman. What are you looking for in a potential mate, if you even ARE looking. And what are some qualities you feel you would NOT put up with, no matter what?

Thank you! The short answer is that I'm looking for a man that loves me, complements me, respects me, and is loyal to me. I've learned that the resume stats don't matter nearly as much as the way a man treats you, if he keeps his word, is faithful, etc. I think I'd fit best with a man who loved life & to have fun, who didn't take himself too seriously but knew it when was time to be serious, whose lifeplan matched up at least somewhat with mine, and challenged me to be the best person I can be.

Lets see...stuff I can't put up with: lying, cheating, disrespect, physical/mental/emotional abuse, men who have been incarcerated, multiple children by multiple women, addiction issues, misogynist behavior, or not being accepting of all/who I am.

Whats on your playlist?

I have a ton of playlists on my iPod...mostly depending on my mood. I've got a lot of Mary J Blige, Jay-Z, Drake, Teedra Moses, and Aaliyah stuff. I have a lot of old stuff that I listened to growing up, especially a lot of old school stuff that my parents played. As for more recent stuff, I've been listening to a lot of Wale and Drake lately, along with some Teedra Moses, Melanie Fiona's new album, and Esthero (I love her, she needs to do a new album). Oh and Foreign Exchange stays in rotation a lot too.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-02-05T18:39:00.001-06:00

Do you have any scars on your body? If so, how'd you get them?

I have a small scar on my knee from well I split my knee open on a rock. I have some discoloration on my shins from when I fell off my babysitter's porch as a child & took off all the skin on my shins.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-02-05T18:37:00.001-06:00

how you like MINN?

I love being back...even with all the snow ;-) I already have more things to do planned than I ever did in Orlando...Mpls is my kind of town.

Ask me anything

Goodbye and Hello

2010-01-27T17:57:00.001-06:00

Last week I said goodbye to Orlando and hello (again) to Minneapolis.

This is a bittersweet time, mostly cause I never thought I'd be sad about leaving Orlando. I miss the familiarity, and most of all, my people. But it was time to go.

Minneapolis is great, but damn its cold! And of course I got sick...a sinus infection which has knocked me on my ass & made me miserable.

The new job is great. I'm still the only Negro tho, but what else is new. I had a tiny bit of apprehension over if I was really ready for this new job and the responsibility, but so far everything has been great. I'm definitely ready, and shame on my old company for not giving me the opportunity I deserved. My only complaint is that my phone doesnt work in my office or in the labs, because they are in the basement of the building. Right now I dont have a lot of downtime, but we'll see how that goes as I get acclimated to the gig. I miss doing my Twitter QOD's and checking my Google Reader throughout the day.

Anyway, overall I'm glad I moved. It was time for a new opportunity.

I Choose You

2009-12-30T08:00:00.001-06:00

*cue Willie Hutch* While I was home in MI visiting the family, I got a chance to have lunch with my friend LH. LH is a few years older than me, but a dear friend who always is a wealth of knowledge, and as usual, our lunch didn't disappoint. We spent a lot of time talking about relationships & marriage. She's been privy to the ups & downs that my romantic life has taken while I've been in Orlando, so her advice/info was spot-on, as usual. But this post isn't about her advice to me (which I'm not sharing, cause it was just for Jubi, & plus it probably wouldn't help anyone else anyway...). This post is about something profound that she said. We were talking about marriage, and timing (which is another post in itself, if I ever get around to writing that) and the overall "Black women aren't getting married" nonsense in the news lately...and that's when LH remarked that women aren't dying to get married because they believe in the institution, or they are so in love, or whatever reason folks throw out... Naw, chicks are clamoring to get married because THEY WANT TO BE CHOSEN. I had to stop & pause & ponder for a second, and I could totally see that. Look at all the ritual surrounding engagement & weddings. Its all about the ring (& how big it is) & the dress (& how much it cost) & the wedding (& if it was the biggest/baddest/most expensive/whatever) compared to your girlfriends. Getting married or even engaged is a badge of honor! Its a symbol that says "Look at me! I'm good enough, he chose me!" Its all about being good enough or worthy, and then being able to say to another woman "I'm better than you are cause I got chose!" Deep. Several days later a lightbulb went off in my head. It occurred to me that MY ISSUES regarding being single are really rooted in this "chosen" thing. Do I really want to do all the things that it requires to be married right now? Nope, I know that about myself. My issues revolved around being worthy & being good enough to be chosen - specifically why I hadn't been chosen when so many (IMO sometimes unworthy) women were being chosen, & what I had to do to get chosen. Its basically an extension of the self-esteem issues that have plagued me since I was a young girl: I want to be told that I'm good enough & when I'm not then I think there's something wrong with me. I'd like to get married eventually, but the desire to "keep up with the Joneses" on the marriage tip is not where my focus is anymore (thank goodness! Looking back I cringe to think @ some of my own behavior, but I digress). The competition aspect isn't important to me anymore, what's important is building a solid marriage.

My Early Christmas Gift

2009-12-21T13:22:00.003-06:00

I got the absolutely best Christmas gift ever this year, and I got it early. What did I get? A NEW JOB! That's right, the Universe finally heard my pleas & sent a new job my way. And not only is it a new job, but its a promotion and its in Minneapolis! Yall know that I've been job-hunting for a bit, when it became apparent to me that my job was on some funny-style stuff. I found my position doing my weekly search on Indeed.com. I submitted my resume about a week before Thanksgiving, I had two phone interviews a week after Thanksgiving, and then flew up for an on-site visit a week after that. My offer came the next business day. The craziest part of this that my current job attempted to counter the offer I had from the other company. I was very surprised by that, mostly cause I didn't think they valued me. But in the end, the amount of $$$$ it would take to get me to stay is more than my current company is willing to pay. Its just time for me to go. So in the new position, I'll be doing what I do now (analytical & polymer chemistry), but on new products and more on the new product development side. I'm moving to another large company, and it seems like the perks & whatnot are about the same. I will be losing my 9/80 schedule, but I hope to be able to move to a 4/10 once I'm acclimated to the position. Even though I don't want to live in Orlando permanently, I will miss it....especially the good friends I've made. I will miss having so many great shopping options & LM is already on notice that I will be back each quarter to get my outlet shopping in. And I will miss Restaurant Mafia, though I'm looking forward to moving the group to Minneapolis. I'm just so excited, especially about my full relocation package and the opportunity to get back to a city that I love. This is the best Christmas gift that I could have gotten.

Calling the Ladies to the Carpet

2009-12-15T07:00:00.007-06:00

I was out of town handling some business this past Friday, so I missed a very busy day on Twitter. The topic of conversation? This article in the Washington Post, entitled "Successful, Black and Lonely." *sigh* Yall know I'm tired of talking bout this subject. We know the stats, we've read the books, we know the chicks. Why we're still talking bout this, I will never know. Anyway, this post isn't to rehash all that stuff. This post is for the ladies in my demographic: educated, doing the damn thing @ work, and then going home & cuddling with a body pillow. Ladies, ladies, ladies....its time we had a serious talk with ourselves. We have some issues. Now I know that's hard to hear, but its true. I've been thinking this for a while, but that Post article just pushed me over the edge. I hate to say this, but we as a group are fucking up. For real. Take for example, these gems from the Post article:

In a series of essays, Andrews documents the lives of so many young black women who appear to have everything: looks, charm, Ivy League degrees, great jobs. Closets packed full of fabulous clothes; fabulous condos in fabulous gentrified neighborhoods; fabulous vacations, fabulous friends. And yet they are lonely: Their lives are repetitive, desperate and empty. They are post-racial feminists who have come of age reaping the benefits of both the civil rights movement and the women's movement, then asking quietly:What next? "For a lot of black women, especially young successful black women, we have a lot of boxes on our master plan list checked off," Andrews says. "We think happiness should come immediately after that. But that is not always the case."
"I went on a date last night with Cornrows," Andrews says, using the nickname that her friends have given the man. "I got in his car and there was this strawberry smell fragrance. I had to roll the window down by hand. I assume it's paid for." Cornrows, she says, seems nice, but that is the problem. "He can put together coherent sentences, but they are not in any way related to my life," she says. She laughs, but catches herself. She knows the man is trying hard. She also knows Cornrows doesn't stand a chance. "I'm a mean woman. I don't date nice people. That's why I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I will always have to settle."

These quotes (and some others) made my head hurt & also made me want to beat up some chicks. Like for real? Ugh, I so need yall to do better. I hate to say it, but in a lot of ways, your dating situation or lack of it, is your own fault. I know, because I've been in the same boat. Walking around talking about "Oh, I'm an educated Black woman, Black men are intimidated by me, blah blah blah" only helps keep that negativity in your life, and keeps you from what you want: a healthy committed monogamous relationship with a man that you love that loves you back. First ladies, you need to make one thing clear: YOU AREN'T OWED ANYTHING, INCLUDING HAPPINESS. Read it again if you need to. Just because you have the degrees, the fancy title, the red-soled shoes and the fabulous townhouse, that does not mean that the Universe is obligated to make you happy, or give you the things that you THINK will make you happy. You aren't owed a husband, or children, or that parking space at the mall, or anything else. So stop thinking that you are. Be grateful for what you do have; be grateful & thankful that you're hard work has gotten you to where you are. What you want isn't going to come to you easily, but you already know this. Did those degrees come easily? Did the house come easily? So why do you think that the "perfect" man is going to fall from the sky?

Second thing - STOP BEING SUCH A SNOB WHEN IT COMES TO MEN & DATING! I almost lost my mind when I read that bit about "Cornrows" and his car. I mean seriously ladies, are we really disqualifying dudes because he doesn't have power windows? For real? Come on...now I'm all for having standards, but that is not a standard, thats just being a snob & elitist. Is the presence or lack of power windows really going to give you an indication of that man's character? I think not. Not to mention, way too many of us have a "standard" that we ourselves can't meet (thanks to LM for that point). You can't demand that a man have an attribute that you don't possess. I'm not saying that you date every random that comes your way, but damn, loosen up! As stated in point #1, the Universe doesn't owe you anything, therefore you aren't owed that perfect Black man making 6 figures with 3 degrees, a 7 Series and a McMansion. So stop measuring every man you encounter with that impossible standard...unless of course, you just love cuddling with your body pillow at night...alone.

Third, ladies, YOU ARE NOT YOUR RESUME! I've been guilty of this myself...yes I am a chemist & a graduate of 2 very fabulous universities and whatnot...but that doesn't speak to my character. And more importantly, the way I am in the office, handling business & being in charge, is not the way I am at home. But too many of us dont take off that corporate armor at home or in our personal lives, and then we wonder why everyone thinks we're mean & bitchy. It won't kill you to be nice, and it won't kill you to go out with a guy who is nice but may not be as educated as you, or make as much money, or even have a car with power windows. And conversely, the dude that has the degrees, the title, the 5 Series and the trendy loft may be great, but none of his "things" can tell you if he's loyal, dependable, trustworthy, a good provider, or a host of other things that are important in a committed relationship. As the First Lady so eloquently put it in her Glamour magazine interview:

"Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married."

That's some sage advice right there ladies.

I'm sure some of yall are yelling at me right now, and that's ok. A year ago, I would have been yelling at me too. But it needs to be said. Actually, all this stuff has been said, but by a lot of male bloggers, and yall just tune that out...maybe this time yall will listen to me...If I'm wrong or off base, I'm sure yall will let me know, but I dont think I am. Self-reflection is a bitch, but it must be done. And I know we can do better ladies, we absolutely have to.

Thoughts?

12/9: What's The Deal With...

2009-12-09T08:00:00.000-06:00

Grown folks doing dumb ass stuff? Especially when it comes to dating.

In the past week I've heard some of the dumbest stuff I've ever heard in my life - like I think I lost some brain cells just hearing about this stuff.

Case #1 - A friend of a friend is casually dating a guy. She wants to be committed & monogamous, he doesn't. She says to him "what are we? Are we exclusive?" You wanna know what he said? He said..."we're exclusive....exclusive friends?" WTF??? What does that even mean? Exclusive friends? Does that mean they are only friends with each other or something? I cant even front - from a "playa" perspective its a good move: he tells her something close to what she wants to hear, but he isn't actually "with" her and therefore can do whatever he wants. Needless to say, she fell for it, and thought everything was fine. How in the world are chicks falling for this? *SMH* #idontgetit

Case #2 - A work friend was telling me & my girl LM about his dating situation. He has a "boo" who he's been dating for a while, and he's taking her to the Carribbean on a little vacation getaway before Christmas. Anyway, LM suggested that he bring his boo to her sorority's semi-formal event, and that's when the dumbness started. He then stated that he couldn't bring her, because he didnt want folks to know they were together. WTF??? You know we had to ask him about it, and then he elaborated that basically coming to an event with a woman would prevent him from being able to holla at other women. Basically, he needs to stay "single" in the streets. For real? You can take a chick to an island for some "fun in the sun" but you can't take her to an event in town? #fail I know I'd be pissed if I found out my dude wasn't trying to claim me so he could appear to be free...

Case #3 - Got another friend of a friend...who believes intercourse doesn't count unless 1 party climaxes. No climax, then its not sex, and therefore it doesnt count. Once again, I say, WTF?? For real? Last I checked, once he was in there, it counted. If you fell for "just let me put the head in"...if you started & then it was wack & you stopped...if it hurt or even if you couldn't feel it...once it was in there, it counts! No matter what! I think this is her way of keeping her "number" lower, cause this crazy rule makes absolutely no sense.

The moral of the story? I need my friends to get new friends...and I need grown folks to do better.

Am I wrong for thinking all these stories are just crazy as hell? Let me know!

My Favorite Time of Year....

2009-12-06T16:22:00.004-06:00

s Christmastime.

So many memories, especially from my childhood, are Christmas memories. When I was a little kid, my parents did the traditional stuff with us - a tree, Santa, decorations, etc. As a family we'd put up our Christmas tree, and put lights up in front of the house. To this day, outdoor decorations look weird to me, without the lights reflecting off the snow (so imagine how I felt the first time I saw Christmas lights in FL!). Its not Christmas without a beautiful white blanket of snow outside. As a kid, we could never sleep on Christmas Eve, and we'd be up at the crack of dawn to open our presents. My parents always got us great stuff, and we were never disappointed.

I miss that, especially the family part. We've always been close, so to me, its not the holidays unless I'm surrounded by my family, especially my siblings, and we're doing silly things together. The joy of growing up in a big family...

Another thing I love about Christmas is the music! I love love love Christmas music, especially the classic stuff. Its just not the Christmas season without it. The day after Thanksgiving, I start playing my Christmas playlist nonstop, and I tune to the Holiday channels on SiriumXM. I don't listen to a ton of contemporary stuff, I prefer the old standards, the songs that I sang & listened to a child.

So what's on my Christmas playlist? Check it out:

*"Jingle Bell Rock" - Bobby Helms

*"Rocking Around The Christmas Tree" - Brenda Lee

*"Sleigh Ride" - Ella Fitzgerald (one of my absolute all-time faves)

*"Winter Wonderland" - Ray Charles (another one of my absolute all-time faves)

*"This Christmas" - Donny Hathaway (yet another absolute all-time fave)

*"The Christmas Song" - Nat King Cole (the only version I will listen to)

*"Wonderful Christmastime" - Paul McCartney

*"Joy to the World" - Whitney Houston (from the Preacher's Wife sdtk)

*"Christmas Time is Here"- A Charlie Brown Christmas

*"The Nutcracker" - Tchaikovsky (the whole thing!)

And that's just a few tunes...

I also have to watch "The Nutcracker", "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and the animated "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", along with "A Christmas Story" on Christmas day.

Do you have any Christmas traditions or memories? Share!

11-25: What's The Deal With...

2009-11-25T07:00:00.000-06:00

Grown folks sexting each other? You know what sexting is - sending NSFW pics of your body and/or commentary about what you're gonna do to someone via text message. The media latched onto sexting & proclaimed it the biggest problem facing the youth. But I think its the biggest problem facing grown folks! I mean come on, it seems like everyone is showing their goodies to anyone that has a cell phone! I cannot tell you the number of pics I've received - for some reason dudes are more than happy showing their wang to any and everyone. Its like they can't wait to show it off...like that kid back in kindergarden that was so in love with his wang that he had to show all the girls. C'mon on fellas! I mean, really...I do like seeing a nice wang every now & again, but sending unsolicited pics all willy-nilly? So not cool. I'd like a bit of a warning before I open a text or a BBM message (that's Blackberry messenger for those not in the know) and have my eyes assaulted. Now, I'm not saying that folks should be prudes or anything, or that folks in relationships can't keep it spicy...but perhaps we all should be a bit more discriminating in who we send a pic to...and definitely don't send a pic that would allow you to be positively identified. And maybe you should think about asking first before you just send a shot of your body...cause you never know how it will be received...and there's nothing worse than sending a pic and getting the *crickets* (I know cause I've given the *crickets* response & he got pissy about it - oh well, don't send me unsolicited pics! But I digress...). We all grown, so let's act like it, shall we? Keep your freaky texts to yourself, your boo/SO/JO/FwB and keep it moving...Or at least wait until someone asks you for the pic...

What yall think? Do you enjoy receiving unsolicited XXX pics via text? Do you ask for them? Let me know!

What's New With Jubes?

2009-11-24T07:00:00.000-06:00

Yall know how I do...another stream-of-consciousness post.

I already posted on how wack my trip to St. Louis was...it sucked a lot, but at the same time, I answered a question that had been in my mind for a while, which is a good thing. I totally could have stayed home tho, but oh well...

Can you believe its Thanksgiving already? I blinked & we ended up in November. I'm not going home for Thanksgiving and I'm not even really doing anything this year. I just wanna chill, catch up on my sleep, do some reading, and put up my Christmas tree (yes, I'm going to have a tree this year). I probably wont even cook anything special. And I'm definitely not going shopping for Black Friday - I don't need anything and I really need to save money & stop spending.

And speaking of saving money, I really need to get on that, stat! I have so much crap & I spend money that I dont really need to spend, which is a bad thing. I really want to save at least $10K in 2010, which wont even be super hard to do, I just need to stop being lazy & buying crap.

This past weekend was the Florida Classic, also known as the one time of the year that there are good events in Orlando. I just hate how there are a million events & parties during the classic and then the rest of the year there is nothing going on. I mean, it really sucks! Anyway, I attended the best event of the weekend, the Ciroc VIP Lounge at Bliss. Free admission, free drinks (and yall know I fucks with Ciroc!), Biz Markie was the DJ so I danced all night, had a table so I could rest my feet (which hurt for 2 days so you know I partied hard), met some cuties, looked really cute in my green dress, and overall had a ball. Great times...too bad I gotta wait until this time next year to do it again.

My dating life has done a complete 180 from where it was just a few months ago...isn't that how it always goes? I went from no dates and no prospects to several dates and several prospects. I'm planning to do another post that goes more in-depth into what I have going on, so I won't elaborate too much now...But I will say that I'm happy to have options again.

Oh, and can I say how much I love Wale's album? Its been in constant rotation on my iPod, I haven't really wanted to listen to anything else. If I am listening to something different, its Melanie Fiona (review coming this week!) or Drake (and yall know how I feel about him...). I really love Wale's album tho, I wasn't a huge fan before but since Attention Deficit came out, I've hopped on the fan bandwagon...great music.

Test post

2009-11-23T13:06:00.000-06:00

Testing this scheduling of posts thing...if it works then you'll see a lot more posts from Jubi. Keep your fingers crossed....

St. Louis

2009-11-13T17:40:00.003-06:00

So I'm in St. Louis for the weekend, kicking it with my friend KR.

What prompted this trip was a convo we had a couple weeks ago, where we decided that we would "see what was up" between us. In the 7 years we've known each other, we've each had an interest in the other, but never made a move.

So I've been in St. Louis for a little over 24 hours, and so far? So not good. Its not poppin. In fact, its a bit awkward. Mostly because he's not the type of dude that I would go for if I was choosing a guy NOW, he's the type of guy that me 7 years ago would have chosen.

Sure he's fun, a ton of laughs, a great homie to kick it with and wild out...but that person in me comes out like twice a year now, max. The things in a man that are important to me now, either he doesn't possess or chooses to not exercise those attributes in favor of having fun.

As of right now, I'm gonna say that we're gonna walk away from this weekend still clearly in our friend space, and I'm totally ok with that. We couldn't have known for sure until we tried.

The Experiment Results

2009-11-08T15:47:00.002-06:00

Yes, I'm late giving the results of The Experiment - sue me.

In case you missed that post & don't feel like clicking the link, I decided to refrain from discussing my dating life & relationships in the blog, cause I wanted to see if it was a jinx. It was supposed to be 30 days, but it went a bit longer than that.

In the beginning of the experiment, I wasn't going out with anyone, so it was easy to not talk about anything. I was on the outs with Jacksonville because we got into it and he let me know that "he dates chicks that look like Beyonce" (yeah right, considering how fat he was when I first met him, but I digress) so I told him to kick rocks.

I went from nothing to a whole lot in like a week, which has been nice. I've had a couple of really good dates so far, which have been a lot of fun.

So what's the conclusion? I'm going to say that not talking about my dating life & relationships gives me less to blog about...which is no fun. And its possible that the "jinx" factor was all in my head. So for now, we're back to discussing my romantic life in my blog - as long as I have something to say about it.

Toxic Men

2009-11-04T13:53:00.003-06:00

Please check my guest post on Toxic Men, on Brandon Saint Randy's site, The Bad Life. Its a response to his earlier post "Toxic Women". If you dig it or you don't, leave a comment over there, thanks!

My Halloween

2009-11-03T20:24:00.002-06:00

How was everyone's Halloween? Got any crazy stories to tell? Leave them in the comments!

My mom and sister came to visit me this past weekend, Halloween weekend. My mom's birthday is Halloween Eve, so I got to take her out for her birthday this year. We did Texas de Brazil, which I always love to go to - you cant get any better than men with meat on sticks, yum! I also took my mom to the casino in Tampa, we did some shopping, and just had a good visit.

Halloween night I went downtown to meet some folks & enjoy the festivities. This was my first time hitting downtown for Halloween, and I had no idea there would be so many folks! Absolute craziness - tons of folks. Orange Ave (the main downtown street) was blocked off and folks were all over the place. One thing that I was really upset to see was all the damn babies out there! I got downtown a little before midnight, so there was no reason for those babies to be out there. If you have a stroller, you shouldnt be in the middle of a drunken crowd at midnight, I'm jes sayin...

I saw a lot of great costumes, I should have taken my camera so I can show you. I was disappointed with some of the ladies, wearing costumes that were too small & showing their rolls & stuff. Can we keep it classy for Halloween 2010 ladies? Thanks.

I actually was not in costume, because I went downtown on a whim. I was pretty fabulous tho, dressed very cute with bright red lips. I've decided that red lips are gonna be my new signature, I've gotten lots of compliments and attention from the red lips, and I do feel sexy wearing it. Anyway, I walked around for a bit, then hit the cigar bar to sit down & have a couple drinks. As I was leaving, I started talking to this guy who was such a cutie...unfortunately I didnt get his number :-( and I'm still kicking myself over that. Ahh well, next time I will not make the same mistake.

Lots of clutter...

2009-10-27T18:10:00.005-05:00

My life has felt very cluttered lately. I couldn't even write a blog post, I stopped, erased & restarted at least 3 times.

My life has felt very cluttered, both physically and in my mind/spirit. I've been holding onto things that I don't need, mostly for the security. It got to the point where I felt trapped by it, so I had to do something about it.

So I'm clearing out my space, starting with my physical space. I've gotten rid of a lot of stuff, especially sentimental stuff from ex's. Letting it go felt freeing. I still have a lot of stuff to either get rid of or give away though. Its amazing how stuff can accumulate in our lives it w e allow it to.

As for the clutter in my mind, that has been harder to clear away. I've been doing a lot of reading, and working on my meditation as well. And working on not letting things get to me...because I have a serious anger problem, especially when I feel disrespected. In the grand scheme of life, it isn't that important, and that's what I'm trying to focus on.

I'm hoping to create a vacuum in my life...so lets see what happens

The Movie I Can't See....

2009-10-21T16:34:00.002-05:00

There's been a lot of buzz about the movie "Precious" over this past year, beginning with its buzz from Sundance, continuing with its buzz from Cannes and Toronto, and now because its getting a nationwide release on November 6.

I won't be in the audience.

Now let me explain...first, I'm a big movie buff. I will hit the movies almost every weekend, I really enjoy film, the writing/dialogue, the cinematography, the casting, the soundtrack/score, the costume & set designs, everything. I love everything from foreign films to those artsy ones that win all the film festivals, to the slapstick comedies.

More than that, I try to support films that feature people of color, whether in the cast or behind the scenes. Hollywood still thinks that Black people don't support films, so I try to do my part to break that stereotype and support great films.

So why am I saying that I'm not going to see Precious? A film that has won so many film festivals, that was in danger of never even being seen, a film with people of color both on screen and behind the lens?

Well...honestly, I dont think I will be able to handle it.

When I first saw the trailer, and heard the story/book it was based on, I cried. I couldn't handle the trailer. A girl who is sexually abused by both her parents, HIV-positive, illiterate and pregnant with her 2nd child by her father? That's a helluva a lot to deal with. What has been hardest for me is knowing that this isn't just a movie - there are real-life Precious's out there, with no advocate and no one to help them kind out of a horrible situation.

I cried at the trailer, so I know I will be a sobbing mess. Plus add in my own issues with sexual assault...and I worry that I'm strong enough to sit in the theater and watch this film.

But I encourage everyone to please go out and see this film. Please go support it, because Hollywood thinks we won't. And please let me know your thoughts on the film, I'd love to hear them.

Memories of a Love Lost....

2009-10-11T17:20:00.002-05:00

It was his coming-out night - his first party wearing those letters he worked so hard for. He was ready to finally let loose and have some fun after months of hard work and sleepless nights. He set out to have a good time & enjoy the night. It was THE PARTY to attend on their campus, and there was no way she would miss it. She stood in line with her girl's, eager to get inside & start their night. She and her crew wore a similar uniform - snug dark jeans, a cute party top and black high-heeled boots. As she got closer to the door, she wondered what events would be in store - everyone knew that something memorable happened whenever you attended THE PARTY. And then it happened...they locked eyes. It could have been just a casual glance and nothing more...but yet, something sparked between them. She shrugged it off & continued the fun with her friends, seeing no need to follow up on a spark that she felt with a random stranger. But he felt differently. Filled with the confidence that his new letters and fraternal affiliation brought, he spoke to her, hoping she'd be friendly & engage him in some light banter. To his surprise & relief, she did. She was surprised as well, there seemed to be something about him that made her want to chat with him. Somehow, phone numbers were exchanged, hugs were given, and then the moment was over. She wondered to herself later why she gave out her phone number. She was in a complicated mess with who she thought was the love of her life, but he would soon turn out to be little more than a liar and a cheat. Discovering that knowledge weeks later caused her a pain she had never known before, at the worst possible time. Without the strength of her friends & her need to succeed no matter what, she would have been lost. Weeks past and the summer begins...and a friendship blossoms. One night an innocent invitation is extended by her, for him to join her at her summer residence for a chat. Due to a crowded apartment and the lack of privacy, they decide to go on a late-night stroll through the neighborhood. The full moon lights a path as they wander aimlessly, sharing stories and comparing notes. They are both surprised by what they discover about the other...surprised and intrigued, and left with a desire to know more. Time passes fluidly, and it is perhaps during that night that the beginnings of a love takes root & blossoms. Yet there is a complication...she has gone from one pseudo-love who was anything but, to a long distance infatuation. She seems him as only a friend, someone to confide in, to spend time with , but not as a new love. This is confirmed one night, as they lay on the couch - she lays with her feet in his lap and her head on a pillow. Her eyes are closed and then suddenly, she feels the weight of his lips on her face. It startles her, she didn't see this coming at all. She is filled with a sense of dread, knowing that now she must confess that her feelings lie elsewhere. He takes it seemingly well, yet in his heart it is a different story. They continue this friendship into the new school year. She has now realized that the long distance infatuation she felt was indeed just a fleeting thing. What she wants is him, but how can she now confess that to him, after rejecting him just a few months earlier? She chooses instead to keep her feelings quiet, and take what she can get from him. They settle into a weird space - sexual partners, enjoying each other's company but careful to keep it a secret from everyone. It seems to work well, though both are dissatisfied with the arrangement, but neither can confess that to the other. Things continue in this lazy way, until someone else catches her eye. It was a fleeting, temporary thing, but when he learns of it, he feels betrayed. He is angry and hurt, and lashes out. She is confused at his emotion, it does not occur to her that he wanted to be more than a friend. Pride and immaturity keep them from having an honest conversation about their feelings, and soon they part ways. He holds on to his anger for several years. As he gallivants across the country & enjoys life, he still thinks of her. Technology allows him to see what she's been up to, and her lack of a ring on on her finger allows him to keep his feelings for her going. She also thinks of him, hopes that he's happy, and curses herself for being so immature and unable to put her heart on the line with him. And then, it happens...they communicate again. It begins with baby steps, tentative inquiries into each other's lives. They perform an eloquent dance, each trying to learn something but unable to ask it outright. She grows tired of this dance and summons the courage to do what she couldn't before - be completely honest with him. As she shares, she feels a weight come off her shoulders. He responds first with skepticism, and then with honesty of his own. They now know how the other feels. And finally at last, they are in the same space. She hopes it will be a new beginning for them both, a chance to love one other the way they should have before. She has pined her hopes on the fact that they can begin anew. But it does not mean a new beginning for them. Instead, he turns his back on not only what she shared, but on their entire history. Its as if he simply wanted to inflict on her the same pain he felt years earlier. She feels the stings, they bring tears to her eyes and a heaviness to her heart. She wonders how he could say one thing but do another, how he could be so callous. And so they go their separate ways once again...left only with the memories of the love they once shared but could not express. Fin.

Random Thoughts from 10,000 Feet

2009-10-08T13:35:00.002-05:00

Yes I'm posting this from my seat in business class. Props to AirTran for putting Wi-Fi on all their flights. Now they just need to make it free for business class and/or Elite members, and I will be so ridiculously happy.

I got the iPod on & I'm listening to Drake - I can't even front, I got a thing for him. I'm a fan. Don't stone me. I love his voice, especially on them songs he does for the ladies. Right now my favorite song is that joint with Lloyd "Night Off"...I loves me some Lloyd too, he's next up in the iPod rotation.

Speaking of music, shoutout to Reecie & her fabulous blog, Soundtrack of My Life. She be taking it back with her posts & her various youtube clips. Got me reminiscing and thinking bout stuff I haven't thought about in years.

I had a heart-to-heart with my mentor yesterday about my situation at work. His suggestion was something that I really wasnt trying to do, but I might do it anyway, just to see what the result would be. Either way, I still think its best to have some feelers out for other opportunities.

So I'm on my Asus Eee-pc and I loves it, but its white and it shows every freaking stain. And the keyboard is more square, which is a pain when writing long stuff, like blog posts or emails. I'm thinking about getting an HP netbook, what yall think? LK, I know you loves yours.

I'm really looking forward to this trip to Minneapolis. I haven't been back on campus in 5 years. I can't believe its been 5 years since I graduated from college. Where did the time go?

I was looking at my transcripts the other day - I am the queen of "its not what you know, its who you know" cause my grades sucked!

Are there any fat flight attendants? They must have a size requirement cause I never see fat flight attendants...

I also have a thing for Trey Songz right now...he skinny and whatnot but that voice....

9/23: What's the Deal With....

2009-09-23T05:40:00.000-05:00

Everyone posting about FwB? FwB = Friend with Benefits = someone you're humping, but actually like them enough to be seen with them. Usually FwBs can go to dinner together, or catch a movie, but they aren't in a committed monogamous relationship. They're humping & seeing what happens. Normally the guy will be happy continuing this setup for years, while at some point the woman will be frustrated that she hasn't transitioned to GF and either end it or just complain (and still put up with it). Is there some kind of FwB epidemic going on and nobody told me? Cause with the number of posts lately I'm feeling smothered. The fellas over at Single Black Male did a piece on how a chick can leap from FwB to GF (short answer: you can ask but most likely he won't agree, so just cut your losses). Anesidora talked about what's going on the ladies brains & why FwB's may not be a good look. My homie Sinnerx from Twitter laid out the rules of a FwB situation. Even Brandon St. Randy (aka FarajiFTW on the Twitter) got into the mix - though his post references jumpoffs - but close enough. And these are just the blogs I read! So I know there's more out there that I just haven't seen. Did everybody run out of stuff to talk about? Or has there been a bunch of FwBs swerving outta their lanes, and thus folks need to blog about it to folks back in their lanes? For me its just overkill...but I'm sure someone out there benefitted from this info...

Broken Promises

2009-09-22T19:01:00.002-05:00

Its become clear to me that I need to really get on the grind and find a new job. Why? The short answer is that I sense I'm about to be screwed. Some promises that were made to me have already been broken, or at least postponed to a point where my timetable and their timetable doesn't line up....and since I'm not tied here, its probably a good idea to move on if I can. Nothing drastic has happened to the point where I'm ready to walk out right now...but I want to leave on good terms and not get to that point, and I can see it ending that way if I stay too long. So I'm grinding from here on out. Gotta make something happen. I'm not in a comfy spot anymore so I gotta do what I gotta do. Any leads or info would be most appreciated. FYI: I'm a polymer chemist who specializes in polymer characterization and failure analysis. I am skilled in various analytical techniques including spectroscopy, surface analysis and thermal analysis. I have some limited project management experience, and I've served as assistant lab manager for the past 2 years. I also have a current Secret security clearance. I'm looking to stay within polymer chemistry, but I'm open to synthesis positions as well. I'm looking for work in the following areas (including suburbs): Philadelphia, MD/DC/NoVA, NC (either RTP or Charlotte), Chicago, Minneapolis and Atlanta. Anything outside of that I could consider if the $$$ is right. Thanks yall & keep me in your thoughts...

An Experiment

2009-09-20T13:21:00.001-05:00

This is purely an observation..but it seems like whenever I like a guy, start dating him, and then talk about it the whole thing blows up in my face.

Guy makes it into the blog? Starts acting up.

Tell my friends about him? He disappears.

Its been frustrating.

So I'm planning to do an experiment: I'm keeping my mouth shut on my romantic life for the next 30 days, just to see how it goes. No getting advice from friends, no sharing about how its going, no ranting about how he's pissed me off.

I'll report back on how it goes....

Seattle Recap

2009-09-20T10:49:00.000-05:00

Last week I went to Seattle for work. I took a Polymeric Coatings class sponsored by the ACS (American Chemical Society for those not in the know). I was super psyched for this trip because I've never been to Seattle, I really needed the week away from work, and I had a couple of old friends in Seattle that I hadn't seen in years. I flew into Seattle on a Monday afternoon...the flight was about 6 hours nonstop, but not too bad. Just a couple of kids, which was good, & I managed to get some sleep as well. I got into Seattle, picked up my bag & the rental and headed to the hotel to check-in. The first thing I noticed when I got outside and on the road was how green & foresty it was. Everywhere you looked there were big evergreens, and lots of peaks & valleys courtesy of the mountains.

My hotel was similar to a Residence Inn - cute but not spectacular. I chilled for a second, then I hit the city. I really wanted to sped some time exploring the city. I hopped on I-90 and took that into downtown Seattle. I drove around for a bit and just explored, looking at the various areas downtown. I didn't know before I flew in that Seattle had such a large immigrant population; there's a Chinatown area and I saw lots of East African businesses as well. Downtown was also very hilly. It seems to have a lot of character. I parked in the Pioneer Square area and started walking; I saw a lot of stuff and visited some shops. I grabbed some Starbucks (fitting right?) and by that time my friend AH called to hang out. He and I became friends in undergrad thanks to NSBE, and hadn't seen each other since we both graduated. We wound up having dinner at a local Chinese place and watching some football.

Tuesday was the first day of my Polymeric Coatings course. The class was held about 5 minutes from my hotel, which was convenient I was the only woman (of course) and the only person of color (of course). There were 5 other men in the course. I really enjoyed taking this class, I learned a lot in only 2 days. I also really surprised myself with how much I did know about polymer chemistry and polymer behavior. In my lab I tend to see coatings after there's been a failure, so I'll have more tools to figure out what the cause of the failure is and how the behavior of the polymer resin is either promoting or demoting adhesion to the substrate.

Tuesday night I met up with a high school friend, MW. She and I were tight back in our high school days, and then we went off to study engineering at separate Big Ten schools and fell out of touch. Anyway, we met up for sushi and just talked and talked and talked. I was really happy to see that she is doing so well. The sushi was also super cool, the place we went to was conveyor belt-style, so you just grab plates and then they total them up at the end. I also had a Japanese soda that had a marble inside it, which was very interesting. To end the night I got some Jamba Juice, yum! I really wish Orlando had a Jamba Juice...if I had some extra $$$ I'd open up a franchise here.

Wednesday I was so tired that I just chilled out, grab some food & another Jamba Juice and relaxed. I flew back to Orlando on Thursday and spent that night and my day off on Friday recuperating.

Overall I had a great time visiting Seattle & I'm looking forward to going back as a tourist.

Getting What You Want

2009-09-09T06:16:00.003-05:00

Ugh, I've started this blog post like 3 times, but I keep deleting it cause its not coming out right. Maybe we'll just go for some stream-of-consciousness type writing today. As they say, when one door closes, another opens. When I closed the door on my relationship wtih DB, I had no idea that I was opening the door to something else...or in this case someone else. I laid a foundation for what I wanted, and I made I promise to myself to accept nothing less. The not-so-new guy JB (not-so-new because we met almost a year ago) has more than satisfied my desire to spend time with the man I'm dating. He doesn't live in Orlando, but he makes a huge effort to spend quality time with me. He once drove 2 hours just to take me to dinner (Bonefish Grill -yum!) and then drove back home right after dinner, and didn't even try to kiss me. Now that's a gentleman. He has left work to spend time with me. He makes plans with me and actually keeps them. He calls just to say hi and txts when he can't call. About a week ago I lost sight of the big picture and got upset over a very little thing, and my friend FS was kind enough to tell me to get my life together. And he was absolutely right. I am getting all the things that I wanted, a man who cares for me, spends time with me, keeps his word, and is genuinely interested in me and a relationship. I can't be distracted by the little things (cause yall know I'm quick to quit a guy). This new dating situation is nice, and I'd like it to develop into something more. We'll see what happens...

To My BFF

2009-08-24T15:49:00.003-05:00

Dear LK,

I was looking at the calendar the other day, and guess what I realized? That we met 10 years ago, August 1999. Back then we were two high school seniors, over-achievers attending SCEEP at University of Michigan. I'm sad to say, that I don't remember who spoke to who first, but I do remember thinking that you'd be my friend for a long time (and I was right!).

In that busy two weeks we hung out, took pics, you teased me about making out with a certain person that shall not be named, and we managed to learn a thing or two about engineering and University of Michigan. In my case, I learned that 1) the dorms there kinda sucked and 2) I wanted to attend the University of Minnesota which was top-ranked in ChemE.

When we went our separate ways I hoped that we wouldn't be many of the other summer friendships that I made that summer, at programs at UIUC and MSU. I have plenty of pics of folks who I can't even remember, but I hoped that you and I would stay in touch. And to my joy, we did! We had some phone calls, some emails, you even sent me a go-go tape, remember that? It felt so easy to talk to you and tell you things, you always told me what I needed to have in that straight-forward yet tactful way of yours.

We've been apart for the vast majority of the 10 years we've known each other, including a 5 year stretch where we didn't see each other at all (damn being broke college students was hard!). But I ALWAYS knew you were in my corner, and just a phone call away. We've weathered every storm that has come our way and in the end we have a friendship that I wouldn't trade for the world.

So LK, for making the past 10 years so wonderful, fun and amazing. We've shared some special moments together that I will always carry with me in a special corner of my heart. You've shared some words that I will always cherish. And no matter what, I will always know that I have a very very very good friend who will ride for me till the wheels fall off, and I would the same and more for you. Thanks for putting up with my drama, the horrible "you aren't a good friend" incident, and my numerous mens.

I love you an insane amount.

Love always,

P.S. did you know that our relationship is the longest non-family relationship I've ever had? You lasted through 2 female best friends, countless boys & mens, and 1 delusional & tragic college relationship. That's some staying power buddy! Thanks a million.

Being Demanding

2009-08-24T07:48:00.002-05:00

I don't remember if I mentioned it or not, but I had been consistently dating the same guy (DB) for several months. He even made it past my standard 3-month expiration date, which is pretty rare. But that's where he fell off, and then I had to make a decision. See, the problem was time, or the lack thereof. In my world, people who care of each other, that are in a relationship (or building towards one) spend time together, or at least make efforts to make some quality time happen. If you don't want to spend time with someone you claimed to like or care for, then what is the point? Making time/room in your life for someone requires sacrifice, but for the right person its worth it, right? With DB, I got tired of the lack of effort on his part to make time for me. I can deal with demanding jobs. I can deal with needing to be with his daughter. I cannot deal with being an after-thought or not even a thought at all. After 5 months, I expect to rank somewhere on the totem pole (no, I'm not expecting to be at the top) but with him, I wasn't on the pole at all. I really tried to give him a chance, I verbalized how I was unhappy with our current situation and asked him how he wanted to resolve it. His response was to reiterate what I said & add "I really like you & enjoy spending time with you" but did not even attempt to come up with a solution. So my solution was to walk away. Since that happened I've been told I am too demanding. Oh well. Why should I settle for sitting by the phone, watiting for him to bless me with some of his precious time? Are there women out there who actually do that? I don't think I'm wrong for demanding that I be treated well by a guy I'm dating. Why not demand good treatment? Am I demanding? Are you demanding?

Testing Out Mobile Blogging

2009-08-17T12:51:00.000-05:00

This is just a test, wanna see how blogging on my BB goes. Does Blogger have a BB app? They need one.

8-12: What's The Deal With....

2009-08-12T12:27:00.000-05:00

being committed and monogamous but not using titles? I mean, what's the point? You are only dating that person. That person is only dating you. Yall talk everyday, see each other several times a week, have sleepovers. You hold hands and sneak kisses in public. Your friends have meet them, and you've met their friends. Even your Mom has heard about this person multiple times. So why exactly is your reason for not throwing a title on it? I didn't even know folks did this until I talked to a friend of mine on FB. We were chatting & I asked him about his lovelife, where he gushed (yes men gush, its not just for chicks) about his SO. I referred to her as his gf & he was quick to correct me, and that left me scratching my head. For the record, we're talking about a 30-year-old man here who got upset cause I called his SO his girlfriend. For realz? His explanation was that when you get titles involved then folks expect certain behavior. Specifically he mentioned women expecting their boyfriends to be mind readers. I pondered that one for a minute. I've never expected a man to know what I was thinking or to anticipate my needs just because he was my boyfriend. I would hope that someone I spent a lot of time with would be observant enough to get an idea about the types of things I did and did not like, but to expect them to know what I wanted at all times? No way. That's not fair at all. In any event, I can't relate to the "titles screw everything up so let's just avoid them" thing. It just seems like a recipe for disaster. I can just see the convo now:

Her: I can't believe you were out with that other chick! Him: What don't you understand? Her: We're a couple, you cheated on me! Him: We've just been ~~humping~~ ~~hanging out~~ dating. You not my girl & I'm not your man. Her: *face cracked* But we spend so much time together! We aren't dating other people! ~~You told me you loved me!~~ You told me you cared! Him: *shrugs* I'll holla at you later.

See where I'm going with this? Just seems like a bad idea all the way around. Me, I like clarity & clear boundaries. And equity & equality. We both decide what behavior is acceptable so there is no confusion later. For example, I've been dating the same guy for about 4 months. We haven't had "the talk" yet, therefore, I wouldn't be pissed if he was dating someone else. Should we have "the talk" and decide to become a monogamous couple, I wouldn't expect him to anticipate my every need and desire, that would be just silly. What grown person does that? Last I checked, we are were grown and knew how to use our mouths (~~some better than others~~) so why are some folks expecting their SO's to be mind readers? Has anyone done the "we're a couple in every way but we don't do titles" thing? Can you explain the reasoning to me? How did it work out?

A Response to a Consumerist Comment

2009-08-12T10:43:00.003-05:00

I dont know if I've ever mentioned this, but I read The Consumerist pretty religiously. I like to be an informed consumer, and I've picked up lots of tips/info from reading the site. But today I read some comments that just made my blood boil. Sadly, I couldn't comment over there (I got banned a few months ago for posting "tl;dr" on a ridiculously long piece, oh well) but I just HAD to get my thoughts out, hence this post. The offending comment was posted this article, "Black Blogger Alliance Hits Talk Show Host Where It Hurts". Basically, the post notes how after Glenn Beck went on his "Obama is a racist!" tirade, some Black bloggers began lobbying his advertisers and several pulled their ads (or at least had them moved to different time slots but still airing on Fox News). And now, the comment: Not exactly on topic, but why is OK that there is "Black entertainment Network", "Black Enterprise" magazine, and "National Association of Black Engineers", but even float the idea that you want to call your magazine "White people monthly" or your new TV station "White television" and suddenly you're a racist? This has just always bugged me.

*sigh* I mean, REALLY? You just can't understand WHY there is a need for BET (let's not discuss the merits of BET now, but think about what it was intended to be/was back in the day), NSBE and Black Enterprise? Suddenly the election of a Black President means that racism in this country is over, we've wiped the slate clean, and everyone is on the same footing? I think not. And shame on you for being so stupid and shallow that you can't dig even an inch into the surface of the topic and really THINK about it. What annoyed me the most was not the comment, or the fake ignorance the writer tried to use...what bothered me most was the number of comments afterward echoing the orignal commenters opinion. How can so many people not understand the concept? It boggles my mind. Yes, I know there are folks who go through life & never understand or even care about the plight/lives of non-White people. But even the most inadequate public school education gives a cursory overview of slavery, Harriet Tubman, MLK & Malcolm X & the Civil Rights Movement. So a person has to have at least some idea of the marginalization that all minorities, especially Blacks, have experienced in this country. BET came about because MTV wouldn't play Black artists on the air. NSBE was formed because Black students in engineering didn't have a support system. We have the National Dental Association and the National Medical Association because the ADA & AMA wouldn't allow Black dentists and doctors to join. And the list goes on and on and on... The other thing that bothered me were the numerous "Yeah! We should get to being a colorblind society!" *sigh again* Why does that always have to be the default answer for White people? Really? You want to live in a colorblind society? Well, that won't stop people from grouping themselves, and a group deciding they are better than another group. That's why we have sexism, ageism, homophobia/discrimination based on sexual orientation, etc. No matter what, folks are going to continue to think they are better than others because of some physical trait that they had no control over. Simply "not seeing race" doesn't solve the problem or make people suddenly turn into hippy free-love thinkers either. So what do you think? Was I wrong to be frustrated/offended by that comment?

Visit with the Family

2009-08-11T08:13:00.003-05:00

I had an off-Friday this past week, so I took a trip home to see my family, specifically my nieces. They are almost 4 months old and I hadn't seen them since they were born, so I was very anxious to see them. Especially, the twins because they were in the NICU when I first saw them. Now they are at home and doing well so I couldn't wait to see them. I got to spend a lot of time with my nieces, which was very nice. I also got to see my brothers, which is sometimes hard to do because both of them work a lot. The twins are Nadia and Nadirah and they are so cute! Hard to tell apart, but you can do it - Nadia is slightly smaller than Nadirah, and Nadirah has a bald spot in the back of her head. They are way bigger than they were at birth (born premature weighing about 2 pounds each) but they are still little for their age. I love that my SIL dresses them alike most days. They are both very good babies too, they don't cry (I have yet to hear them cry) and they love to be held and cuddled. My other niece is Zunairah and she's a cutie pie too! She was less than 6 pounds at birth, and now she's already doubled her weight! She has that baby fat all over - fat cheeks, fat legs, fat everything. She's another good baby, she doesn't cry at all (not even when my mom was trying to get her dressed & got her onesie stuck on her head!) and she's SO SPOILED....she's always being held or played with. She is my SIL's parents only grandchild and my parents 3rd grandchild (after the twins who were born 5 days earlier) so everybody just wants to shower her with attention. She's a very happy baby and I love just hanging with her and talking to her. I've noticed that all 3 girls love to lay on my chest, for obvious reasons...too bad for them all they can do is lay on them! I also got to see my friend JC when I was at home. I hadn't had time to kick it with him when I was home the last couple of times, & he was making me feel bad. We went out for drinks on Friday night at a really cute little lounge spot (who knew Lansing had one of those?) and just chilled. That JC is a good friend, glad I got to see him. I'm trying to convince him to come with me to Minnesota's homecoming in October. I definitely have to get home soon to see my ladies, maybe I'll spend a week around Thanksgiving, so I won't have to take that many days off. I'd like to have all the girls with me and my mom so we can bond and hang. Can't wait!

What's the deal with....

2009-08-05T14:06:00.000-05:00

Ex's checking in to see "what's up"? Now let's be real, we all know what that means...your ex isn't calling or emailing to be friendly...they are contacting you for 1 of 2 reasons: *They got married/passed the bar/doubled their salary and wanted to ~~gloat and tell you what you missed out on~~ share their good news. *They are checking in to see if they can still "get in". I think men are more notorious for doing this than women. Women will do that Jill Scott-esque "I was just thinkin bout you" call, but men? Men will call, and call on a schedule! They be checking in every 6 months or so, trying to see if you're still free. Hanging on and whatnot. Basically making sure they can get back in if they really want/need to. I guess I can't really knock that hustle...I mean, everybody needs a backup plan. But that's why I don't keep up communication with an ex. We broke up for a reason, you need to no longer exist (cue Miranda from SATC). I'm just not interested in doing the chit-chat thing with an ex. I dont particularly want to share my good news with you. I don't really want to hear yours. I could care less that you've been thinking bout me, cause I don't give relationship do-overs. Is it just me? Anybody else do the check-in with the ex? Anybody else hate it?

I Find Myself Wondering....

2009-08-04T08:03:00.002-05:00

Where is all my damn money?!?!?!?!?! I'm coming up on my 3rd anniversary at work (also known as my escape from the indentured servitude that is graduate school) and I've enjoyed the life of "luxury" way more than I should have. I go out to eat whenever I want. Its nothing for me to drop what should be enough $$$ for an entire family to eat on 1 meal (& drinks) for me. And its not just Restaurant Mafia, I go out to eat whenever I feel like it, and since I'm lazy, its a lot. I buy whatever I want at the grocery store. I dont even look at prices anymore. I use coupons occassionally, but I don't plan my shopping around what coupons I have. I don't plan my meals either, so I just buy whatever I feel like eating for the next week and make it up as I go along. I shop WAY TOO MUCH!!! Living in the land of outlet malls has really done me more harm than good. Between that and emails telling me about "sales" and whatnot, I buy way more than I need. Its nothing for me to hit Coach, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, Urban Outfitters, Macy, Nordstroms, Barnes & Noble, etc at the drop of a hat. I travel whenever I feel like it. Just earlier this year I book a cruise with my friend LM on a whim, about 3 weeks before the trip. Airtran's having a fare sale? Ok, let me book a flight just because. And of course with travel comes hotel, rental car, eating out, admission to museums or concerts, shopping, etc. I need help. I'm not disciplined by nature, I'm disciplined when I absolutely HAVE to be, which is why my discipline went out the window when I wasn't forced to live off of ramen in an itty bitty apartment. I've decided that I want to buy a house within the next year, either here in Orlando or in whatever city I land in if I get another offer, so the time for discipline is NOW. I know all about making a budget and whatnot, what I need help with is sticking to it. Anybody got any tips?

I'm Changing...

2009-07-19T14:21:00.003-05:00

I love this card that I saw on PostSecret today. I felt like this lots of times, especially in the last few years. Moving to Orlando turned out to be a place for me to learn & grow, because I was so far out of my comfort zone. And now I've been pushed even further, and I love it. While I was in Atlanta I remarked to a friend that someone we know mutually doesn't like me, because the person in question either refuses to believe or acknowledge that people (specifically me) change. That conversation made me reflect, and I could see myself on an imaginary road, and I've traveled a great distance in a short amount of time. I'm proud of that, considering that so many people stay where they are for years, either afraid to move forward or to lazy to move forward.

Whats The Deal With....

2009-07-15T19:17:00.002-05:00

Black men and long hair? Let me explain why I'm asking. Back in April I got frustrated with my transition to natural hair and just did the big chop after 5 months. I had about 2 inches of length completely stretched, but in its shrunken state its pretty short, but with lots of curls and coils. So these were the reactions I got from different groups: *The majority of women from all races loved it. A couple chicks said they preferred my long hair, but all the other ladies thought my short hair suits me. *White and Latino men overall liked the short hair. It was a different look that fit my face. *But the Black men? Oooh, the Black men HATE MY SHORT HAIR! I can count on one hand the number of Black men who liked the short hair compared to the long relaxed hair I used to have. And the crazy thing is that when I was relaxed I wore my hair up every single day, I never wore it down, so you couldnt even see how long it was. So the difference in reactions really made me think. What is it that makes most Black men prefer long hair? Is it a Eurocentric standard of beauty? A rejection of Black women and their kinks and coils? Brainwashing from "The Man"? I think I'm cute with the long relaxed hair, the short relaxed hair, the short natural hair, and I'll be cute with long natural hair. Its frustrating though to hear from so many Black men how they don't like my hair and how they wished I hadn't cut it and whatnot. Of course, their opinions arent going to make me run out and weave it up or relax again or anything. I went natural for me and I love my natural hair. Its just very interesting to see the new types of responses I get from Black men. Anyone else ever had a similar experience? Can any fellas give me an explanation for the love of long hair?

27 Is Off To A Great Start

2009-07-14T18:20:00.003-05:00

I've been 27 years old for a week and it already kicks 26's ass. How awesome is that? I did my 2nd birthday celebration in Atlanta this past weekend. I won't rehash every single detail but I will say: *There's NOTHING BETTER than people who truly love you...and I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by those folks. I know they are just a phone call/email/text/@reply/smoke signal away and that they'd ride for me til the wheels fall off...that's TRUE FRIENDSHIP and to those folks (cause yall know who you are) I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH AND THANKS FOR BEING MY TRUE FRIEND!!!! *My former Party Girl ways are officially behind me. I'm not saddened at all. I'm just a grown-up now, and now I'm a Party Woman. Party Woman likes different types of events, she's more laid-back and chill, no longer needs to be the center of attention/loudest voice in the room. I didn't hit the club this weekend and I wasn't mad about it at all. Such is life. *Almost everyone I know is in a relationship. I dont think that's ever happened before. It does my heart good to know that my folks are happy and in love. I'm not there yet, but I know I will be. I've been dating the same guy since April, and I really have no desire to make him my boyfriend, which means I'll probably be going back to the drawing board soon (cause yall know I got a 3 month dating attention span). With the million blogs discussing what's wrong with Black relationships and why Black men and women can't get along, I love that I'm surrounded by so many happy Black couples. Makes me feel good & keeps me hopeful (as opposed to being worried I'mma end up the crazy cat lady, yay!). *I always talk about getting my life together, but I finally actually got some help on how to do that. A life coach, if you will. Its fabulous, and so freaking worth it. I'm getting the help I need to accomplish the things I want to achieve and that's great.

The Beginning of a New Year

2009-07-08T06:03:00.002-05:00

Monday was my 27th birthday. I spent it very low-key; massage, lunch at Seasons 52 (I love that place), facial/mani/pedi at the spa, and dinner with friends at the mongolian bbq spot. I even got some cool gifts. But the best gift is the one I gave myself. If you've read this blog or my grad school blog, then you know that Jubi has her fair share of issues. And generally they all stem from the fact that I'm a worrier and I obsess about things. Its like I can't turn my brain off and I freak out, usually prematurely. What have I freaked out/obsessed about? Oh, just random stuff like not ever getting married and ending up an old maid with a bunch of cats, or that I'd be stuck in Orlando forever (which I hated at the time), or that I'd be fat and man-less forever. It got to the point where I was getting on my own nerves, and that's when I knew I had to make a change. Both for my sanity and the sanity of my friends. I no longer feel the stress that I used to feel over the direction my life was going in. I dont spend sleepless nights worrying about my future. I feel a sense of peace and satisfaction in where I am right now. Is my life perfect? Nope. But I'm content, and that's what matters

Goodbye VIBE

2009-06-30T14:17:00.002-05:00

If you haven't heard by now, VIBE magazine is no more. I can't front, when I first heard the news via Twitter, my first reaction was "thank you!". Over the past couple of years, I've been very dissatified with the editorial content and direction of the magazine. I was planning to cancel my most recent subscription, but then decided to let it run its course and simply not renew it when the time came. I've been a VIBE reader pretty much since the magazine began. I remember that because I was in middle school, and it was my favorite magazine next to YSB (yall remember that? Now that was a great magazine). My first VIBE subscription was a birthday gift, and I loved it. VIBE covered the artists that I loved and wanted to see: Jodeci, Snoop, 2Pac (remember his interview about the rape allegations and being in jail?), Mary J. Blige, etc. But beyond that, they highlighted various facets of life in a way that was both interesting and educational for me. I remained a loyal VIBE reader and subscriber for at least 10 years, but the last couple of years the magazine just wasn't giving me what I wanted anymore. I definitely didn't like the last change in EIC, and I thought the change in design style was too much and I preferred the old look. But more importantly, I did not like their choices for cover artists. Plies? Ciara and Eminem every other month? It became as boring and predictable as Essence (who I no longer subscribe to and who I wish would fold as well). I mentioned that I wasn't sad to see VIBE go on Twitter, and I got a bit of a talking-to from someone. Basically they were saying that I outgrew the magazine and didn't see how it was relevant, but that doesn't mean that VIBE shouldn't be around anymore. I had to sit and ponder that one. Yes, I had outgrown VIBE. I'm no longer their target audience. But I think my biggest beef with VIBE was not that the content was irrelevant to my life, it was that the content was redundant and unentertaining. I had absolutely no desire to pick it up and read the articles or even look at the pictures. 20 Questions wasn't even funny anymore. Now VIBE Vixen....that was a magazine that I liked, and I was sad to see it go so quickly. Perhaps it can be resurrected. Anyway, RIP VIBE....

Sometimes Its Just Too Much....

2009-06-22T16:30:00.002-05:00

I've reached my limit. I'm at information overload when it comes to certain topics. First, I am SO VERY TIRED with every Black blog needing to discuss whats wrong with Black love, Black relationships, why we dont date each other, why we dont date each other, why Black women need to date interracially, why Black women arent getting married, blah blah blah. I'm SO OVER IT.... I love reading lots of different blogs, but I swear, every Black blogger in their late 20's/early 30's is giving their two cents on Black relationships. And sometimes, great discussion is sparked, and I get to thinking about my own life. But most of the time, its just crap. Yeah, I said it, its CRAP. Its a simplistic rehashing of the topic and then the writer's friends log-on and co-sign it, even when its a mess. That's not a meaningful dialogue. Not to mention, how many times can we discuss the same things over and over? I mean, seriously.... We're all intelligent, educated, well-rounded people, so why is relationships the only topic that we can find? Can't we find even one other topic to discuss? Maybe it wouldnt be so bad if the topics weren't all so pessimistic. But lately it has seemed like so many blogs have focused on the negative, especially when it comes to Black women. Highlighting what we need to do to get a man, keep a man, get a man to propose to us, get a man to not be an absent father, yada yada yada. It seems like every post is an admonishment for the ladies, and a primer on how to get it right so you wont end up part of the percentage that isnt married. *sigh* Is all that really necessary? I mean, reaally? Can't we just BE for a little bit? Just relax and date and be social and have fun and work on ourselves and our careers, without the stress of carrying relationship burdens around? I gotta say, some of these blogs were making me question myself, and I got real close to drinking the damn Kool-Aid myself. I implore my fellow Black bloggers to look at other topics...PLEASE. For our sanity. Cause I'm officially relationship'd out. I can't take it anymore.

Getting My Life Together

2009-06-15T17:56:00.004-05:00

Yall remember when I first moved to Orlando? I was UP.SET. Actually, upset is an understatement. I was bored outta my mind. Keep in mind that I moved to Orlando from Atlanta, a city that I loved. I didn't kick it nearly as hard as I could have, because I was in school, but there were plenty of options when I had the opportunity. Plus museums, theater, art, concerts, fab shopping, fab restaurants....I was very happy. Then I moved to Orlando...and it was a huge letdown. So for the past 2.5 years I've been whining to anyone that would listen about how much I hated Orlando, how I wanted to leave & get to a real city, how much Orlando sucked, how wack it was, how there was nothing to offer a sophisticated person like myself, blah blah blah. I whined and whined and complained....and then I started to notice two things: *My situation wasn't changing (I was still in Orlando) and I was getting more miserable by the minute * I was getting on everybody's nerves, including my own That's right....I got on my own nerves with all my whining. So I had a talk with myself, and we decided that we were gonna do better. I made myself a promise to get out, explore Orlando, and if I still hated it after all that, then I'd either go back to school or put the job search into hyperdrive. So what have I been doing? Let's see...I hit the Orlando Fringe Festival with my friend RJ...I joined two Meetup groups (Orlando Movie Group and Orlando Natural Hair)...Still active in Restaurant Mafia (website coming soon folks!)...joined a new gym (24 Hour Fitness - got some cuties there)...been out to various restaurants/bars/lounges/clubs.... Got more stuff lined up...and you know what, Orlando isn't so bad after all. Its no Atlanta, but its do-able, for now. If the Universe wants me to have another opportunity in another city, I will definitely pursue it, but right now I'm ok. And no more whining. Yay!

April/May Recap

2009-06-02T19:12:00.003-05:00

Yes, it has been a long time since I've blogged. I've talked about it, but just didn't feel the motivation to post anything. So let's see...what's happened since the last time I posted... Well, I did my big chop (BC) in April. After my first couple of heated yoga practices, I was just so upset with my two different textures, so I woke up on a Saturday, called the salon and made a same-day appt. I got my eyebrows waxed, bought some cute earrings, and headed to the shop. I cut off a lot of length, but I wasn't upset at all. I was very happy actually. Once I saw my twa (that's teeny weeny afro for yall you aren't on the hairboards) I loved it. Occassionally I miss the security that long hair brought, but overall I'm very happy. This is the first time I've ever really experienced my natural texture, and I really love my little coils and kinks. Now I'm just focused on growing it out so I can do more styles. The other exciting thing from April was that my neices were born all in the same week! My brother closest to me had twin girls, Nadia and Nadirah. They came early so they've been in the NICU but they are coming home soon! My other brother had 1 girl, Zunairah. All my girls are absolutely beautiful and I'm a very proud auntie! I will definitely be going home more often so that I can see my girls. I've still been job-hunting and whatnot...but I had to have a real talk with myself, and seriously look at my life. I've spent a long time plotting & planning to leave, but I'm still in Orlando. And I've been miserable and whiny...which isn't cute. I had finally reached MY whine limit, and I had to say to myself "Jubs, you can and need to do better. All this whining about how much you hate Orlando is not helping the situation." So I've actually been getting more involved in stuff around town and giving Orlando a chance. I attended the Orlando Fringe Festival with my friend RJ, which was actually a lot of fun. The Fringe Festival allows artists to put on whatever kind of show they want, and I saw 4 very different shows. I joined a movie group (think dinner group but with movies instead of restaurants) and I'm still very active with Restaurant Mafia. And the Magic winning has definitely Orlando a more exciting place to live. And yeah, Orlando isn't so bad once you get out and do stuff. No, I still can't do all the things that I love to do in other cities, but I have to make the best of the situation that I have. Work has been kinda blah...I've been trying to get re-motivated....or maybe this is a sign that its time for me to move on, I dont' know. Still dating very casually, nothing really new to report in my romantic life.

Random Relationship Thoughts

2009-05-04T12:48:00.003-05:00

My male friends are ruining me & killing my faith in relationships. Almost every guy that I'm close friends with, is a fucked up boyfriend or husband. A couple of my male friends are leading double lives, and their gfs/wives have NO CLUE about all the dirt they do when they are alone or with their boys. Their behavior leaves me worried that I will fall in love with a guy who is leading a double life. I take that back, I worry that I will fall in love AGAIN with a guy who is leading a double life. The ex from college, HW, was doing the double life thing until it caught up with him. I do not want to go through that again. It was painful and difficult the first time and it took years for me to take guys seriously again. I hate to say it, but I think I'm jaded. As much as I lament the lack of love in my life and my desire to be in a relationship, I have too many worries and fears for it to happen. What if he cheats on me? What if he's secretly gay or gay curious? What if he's just using me? I can go on and on....my fears about relationships hold me back and keep me from having a relationship. I long to find a guy who loves me for me and cares for me, but at the same time I'm not willing to put myself out there, not for real. Dates are a joke to me. I dont even take them seriously. Maybe I'm just tired of FL, or FL dudes, or maybe I'm having a quarter-life crisis, I dont know. I just know that my fear of ending up the lonely cat lady is looking like it could be more of a possibility if I dont get my stuff together. But at the same time, I won't settle. I can't settle. Its just that my faith in relationships is just so shot. Folks that I thought had the realest marriage ever are separated. Dudes cheating behind their girls back for years, but still claiming he loves her. A big part of me feels like "whats the point?" I'd just rather be alone than deal with the stress & heartache...and that's where I am now. Maybe it is better to have loved & lost...

My Heated Yoga Experience

2009-04-21T19:30:00.003-05:00

I had been thinking of trying yoga again, but I kept chickening out. I was worried that I wouldnt be able to do it considering that I'm overweight and out of shape. I finally got over myself and sucked it up and went this past Saturday. I went to College Park Yoga, which is on Smith St in the College Park neighborhood of Orlando. I decided to try the "Beginner Power Yoga" class. I brought a yoga mat, towel and water, as the website suggested. So the yoga studio pretty much takes up the whole building, and the building is locked while a class is going on. When I checked it I let them know I was new, and everyone was very helpful. It took a few minutes for everyone to come in and get situated, but the class was pretty full, at least 20 people, male and female. The leader took us through a warm-up that consisted of the Sun Salutations. I did pretty good with this, except for the Downward-Facing Dog, my arms aren't strong enough to hold me up in that pose. I really liked how the leader didnt spend the class doing the poses with us, instead she circulated the room helping to make sure we used proper form and got into the poses correctly. After we went through the warm-up, we went through more poses. I was really working up a sweat. College Park Yoga is a heated yoga studio, so there was no AC, no fans, no open windows. Just us, our breath, and our sweat. Throughout the class I was sweating so much that it was running down my face. I was really drenched but it felt so good, like I was sweating out all the bad stuff. I was able to get into every pose, which I was proud of. During some poses I lost my balance a few times, or my arms got tired, but I never gave up. I just kept trying. I also really focused on my breathing and staying in the moment. I have a problem with not being able to turn my mind off and stop thinking, but my yoga experience helped me turn off for a bit and just live in the moment, with no worries or thoughts crowding my brain. At the end of the class I felt refreshed, and not strained at all. I felt so calm and peaceful. The next day I was sore in several places, so I was definitely getting a workout, but it wasnt strenous or "hard" at all. Overall it was a great experience. I'm going back tomorrow and i'm really looking forward to it. One thing the yoga leader said has stuck with me...She said "Everything is a choice. Either you choose to do something or you don't. Just take it one choice at a time." That really resonated with me. For much of my life I've pondered and worried and stressed and tried and whatnot. Just seeing things as one choice at a time is so simplistic and clarifies so much for me.

Hair Transition Update

2009-04-16T07:24:00.002-05:00

I'm still going strong, in my 4th month of my transition. I love my little coilys. I can't wait to have all natural hair. I flatironed for the first time a few weeks ago, and my hair got really straight. I didn't use a heat protectant (bad girl I know) but I will next time, when I do my length update at the end of June. I've been kicking around several ideas for my big chop (BC). One part of me wants to get to natural hair ASAP, and also explore having really short hair for the first time in my life. The other part of me is scared that I will look crazy with really short hair (I truly believe that every woman cannot pull off the short hair) and I will just end up covering it with wigs and whatnot. So here are the ideas I have: *BC completely on my birthday (7/6) and start my 27th year of life with a new look and a new me. *Keep all my length and do the BC on my 1 year transition anniversary (11/29) - I'll have more natural length then. *Do a mini-chop and go from almost BSL to SL on my birthday, and then BC on 11/29. Right now I keep flip-flopping between those 3 options...I'm not in a rush to make a decision right now though. I've been really wanting twists, so I started looking around and of course I couldn't find anyone in Orlando who I trusted enough to do them, so I'm going to do them myself. I've been practicing on my hair, and I've gotten the hang of it. So next week I'm going to just sit in my apartment and twist up my hair. I'm not planning to make the sections super small, so hopefully it won't take me longer than a day to get it done. I will post pics when I'm finished. I plan to keep in twists until my birthday, just taking them down and redoing them as needed. If they work out well I may just stay in twists until my decided BC date (whenever that is). Tonight I'm going to henna using the CurlyNikki method. Last night I got some Karishma Herbal Henna from a local Indian grocer ($2.99 a pack, yay!). Following CurlyNikki's method, I'm going to mix up my henna with green tea and a little oil, apply it to clarified hair tonight, and sleep in it. I'm thinking its gonna be in my hair for about 12 hours before I rinse, DC and style. I'm planning to just blowdry my hair on cool tomorrow. Rollersetting makes my relaxed hair too thin w/ no volume, and airdrying leaves my ends kinda crunchy, so we're gonna try the blowdryer on cool...and yes, I will use a heat protectant this time.

Feeling "Blah" & Stuck in a Rut

2009-04-15T08:35:00.002-05:00

I spent two weekends out of town (Miami and the cruise) and when I came back, I just felt "blah". Melancholy may be the best way to describe it. Or maybe just disinterested in my current life. Bored with its current path, and wishing I could do something else, be somewhere else. I wallowed in this angst for a while. I did a lot of sleeping. You know you are depressed when you see its 7PM and think its a good time to go to bed. Sitting in front of the tv or the computer night after night just made me more depressed. I wasn't talking to folks like I usually do. All I did was go to work and go home. Oh and post on Twitter. I had to do something different. All the wallowing in self-pity was not doing anything for me, except bring me down even lower. I dont need it. I pulled out some books. First, let me say, I think self-help books are a good thing, provided its what you need to read/hear. In my case, I pulled out a book that told me "Dont let anyone steal your joy; you are responsible for your own fate; love yourself no matter what & nobody can take that from you; you are worth it." Its what I needed at that particular time. I also went back to an old affirmation that a college mentor used to tell us all the time: "I'm a worthwhile woman and I deserve to be loved and respected". And that's true. I had forgotten that. Or maybe I hadn't forgotten, as so much as I had let other things push it to the backburner. Overall, after contemplation and a talk with myself, I realized that I have been letting my fears get me stuck. I couldn't move forward, but I couldn't move back. I couldn't branch out and do something new because I was scared. But I knew that the old ways weren't working for me. Being stagnant is not possible, I have to progress forward. It will be scary, but I have to press on. So I'm pressing forward. I'm trying new things. First up, Hot Yoga. There's a place near my apartment, and I've been wanting to go, but my fear of being the biggest person in the room held me back. No more, I'm going to the beginner class on Saturday. Next, I'm taking a golf class. I've always wanted to learn, and will both keep me busy and make me more active. It starts next month. And I'm going to take a bellydancing class too, that's another thing I wanted to do, but didn't want to do it alone. For years I've proclaimed that I was so independent, and its like I've regressed, and I can't do anything or go anywhere alone, so I dont do anything or go anywhere. But not anymore. I also want to take an art class, but they dont start until the summer. And I've gotten serious about my health & fitness. I know what to do, but I'm afraid to reach my goal. Mostly because then I won't have a crutch anymore. I can't rest on that anymore, I have to just do it. So far I feel good and excited about my plans. I'll keep you posted on how everything works out.

My First Cruise

2009-04-12T15:34:00.002-05:00

I dont know if I ever mentioned this, but I used to have this huge fear of going on a cruise. Why? 3 reasons: I was afraid of getting sick (I hear norovirus is a bitch); I was afraid to fall overboard or get left behind; and I was afraid of being assaulted at sea, since you are in international waters most crimes are never prosecuted. Anyway, my girl LM and I decided to book a 3-day cruise on a whim about a month ago. We sailed on the Carnival Sensation, and it was from Port Canaveral to the Bahamas. LM had been on a cruise before, so that made me feel better about the whole thing. Going with Carnival for my first cruise was a great experience. The website was easy to use and it helped walk us through all the paperwork and stuff we would need. On the day we embarked, the process was real easy. Parking @ Port Canaveral was expensive though. And the "security" area was too small, I think they should add a lane. But checking it and everything went super fast, and we were on the boat about 20 mins after we parked & dropped off our luggage. Of course, the first thing we did was eat. I ate the entire 3 days, and everything was good for the most part. I got to sample pretty much everything, including the pizza. The best meals were at dinner, and they had this amazing chocolate molten cake w/ice cream that was so freaking good, it was a shame. The only thing that wasn't that great was the breakfast buffet, cause breakfast food is not good when its cold. They even had sushi, which was really good. On the day that we docked in the Bahamas we took a shore excursion to Sandals resort. Talk about beautiful! We had a great time on the beach, in the pool, and eating and drinking. We went kayaking, which was a lot of fun, even though we were having a hard time going straight. And we did some snorkling. It was amazing to me how clear the water was, you could see all the way down to the bottom and you could see the fish swimming around and stuff. I will definitely keep Sandals & Beaches (the adults only resort) in mind for my next vacation. One thing that did strike me as kinda odd was how ALL of the staff was Black, but the majority of the guests were White. Hmm.... LM and I spent a lot of time on the deck and the beach laying out, and thanks to all that sun I got a lovely sunburn, which didn't show up until we got back. But my tan is beautiful, I got really dark, especially on my arms & shoulders. The boat wasn't super huge, but it seemed big to me. We got an ocean view room, and it was big enough for the two of us with no problems. And it was a trip to look out the window and see nothing but water. The boat moving didn't bother me at all, but I did have an adjustment period when I got back. Everything was still "moving" to me. Overall I had a great time and I would definitely do another cruise.

A Randompalooza...

2009-03-24T11:18:00.003-05:00

I needed something cooler than just "random ish".... So I've blogged before about how I'm a Twitter junkie now...I'm really enjoying the site and interacting with people. And I even got a date out of Twitter, which was kinda mind-boggling (more about that later). So anyway, I added a link to the sidebar to take you to my Twitter page, or you can just click the button below and you can see all my Tweets...follow me if you aren't already, I think I'm pretty interesting. One thing that I have started doing is a Question of the Day (QOD), which started out with me just wanting to get some feedback from the Twitter community. All of them have been relationship-centered so far, and I wanted to see if my thinking on certain subjects was similar to other folks. Its been really interesting, I've gotten lots of different perspectives and some interesting feedback. I'm doing them every weekday starting at 9AM, and I retweet them throughout the day. Alright, so now I can talk about my date from Twitter...it was very random...I wanted to hit happy hour but I didn't have anyone to go with, so I tweeted it and one of my followers hit me up. We wound up meeting up at The Wine Room in Winter Park and that turned into dinner and that turned into a trip to the cigar & wine bar. I had a really good time. We work different schedules though, so it looks like for now we won't be able to link up during the week. We did hang out at the bar on Saturday night, which turned into an interesting people watching experience and I saw some couples get into some fights. This dude is pretty cool so far, the funniest thing is that we're both smartasses so we get along real well. Hopefully we'll go out again. Speaking of dates, a dude I haven't talked to since the fall hit me up last night and asked me out. Very bizarre. He lives in Jacksonville & I told him I was gonna be booked for the next 2 weekends, so he decided he wants to drive to Orlando tonight to take me to dinner. Huh. We'll see what happens. I don't remember if I blogged about this, but the first time we met up (cause we met on BPM) this kid was a good 50 pounds heavier than he was in his pics, I didn't even recognize him at first! I flat-out told him he was false advertising by having skinnier pics up and he claimed he was working on losing it and it would be easy...so lets see if thats true. Either way, I'm getting a trip to Bonefish Grill out the deal - yum! This weekend I'm hitting Miami and then next weekend LM and I are going on a cruise. I'm so excited, I need the rest and relaxation. I have more random stuff to talk about, maybe I'll add it in another post...

I'm Rocking The Red Pump!

2009-03-10T06:23:00.003-05:00

Today is National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Here are some facts about HIV/AIDS and how it affects women and girls:

*There are approximately 1.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS in the U.S. & almost 280,000 are women

*In 2006, there were 15,000 new HIV infections and 9,801 AIDS cases diagnosed among women

*There were 3,784 deaths among women with AIDS in 2006

*Among those who are HIV positive, 35% of women were tested for HIV late in their illness (diagnosed with AIDS within one year of testing positive)

*HIV is the 5th leading cause of death in women in the United States, ages 25-44

*High-risk heterosexual contact is the source of 80% of these newly diagnosed infections in women

*According to a CDC study of more than 19,500 patients with HIV in 10 US cities, women were slightly less likely than men to receive prescriptions for the most effective treatments for HIV infection

*Women with AIDS made up an increasing part of the epidemic. In 1992, women accounted for an estimated 14% of adults and adolescents living with AIDS in the 50 states and the District of Columbia. By the end of 2005, this proportion had grown to 23%*From the beginning of the epidemic through 2005, almost 86,000 women have died of AIDS and AIDS-related complications.

*The largest number of HIV/AIDS diagnoses during recent years was for women aged 15–39

And the stats are even more startling when you look at minority women and girls:

HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects minority women in the United States. According to the 2005 census, Black and Latina women represent 24% of all US women combined, but account for 82% of the estimated total of AIDS diagnoses for women in 2005. HIV is: *the leading cause of death for black women (including African American women) aged 25–34 years. *the 3rd leading cause of death for black women aged 35–44 years. *the 4th leading cause of death for black women aged 45–54 years. *the 4th leading cause of death for Latina women aged 35–44 years. *The only diseases causing more deaths of women were cancer and heart disease *The rate of AIDS diagnosis for black women was approximately 23 times the rate for white women and 4 times the rate for Latina women *In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%

These statistics were pulled from The Center for Disease Control's website and the Kaiser Family Foundation's Fact Sheets (which cited the CDC). Get more information about the effect of the epidemic from these sites.

I'd like to thank the Red Pump Project blog for making these stats available. Today, I and 100 other female bloggers are proudly displaying the Red Pump on our blogs, to educate our communities about HIV/AIDS and how it disproportionately affects women and girls. I encourage EVERYONE, male and female, to get tested and know their status. Knowledge is power folks. I myself have not been tested in over a year, but I resolve to rectify that situation soon. There are many testing locations that are confidential, anonymous, or both, and many use the rapid HIV test which can give you results in just 20 minutes. Please spread the word, please encourage others to both know their status AND use condoms EVERY SINGLE TIME, and please visit the Red Pump Project blog for more information and links to other resources.

The answer to the problem?

2009-03-08T19:51:00.002-05:00

I had a frustrating but enlightening conversation on Saturday afternoon. I met this Kappa last week, and we had 1 of those "getting to know you" convos. Anyway, somehow we got on the topic of Black relationships and Educated Black Women (EBW). Basically, his argument was that EBW's arent getting married or cant find men because they are too cocky and arrogant. He says that EBW's have made it a point to show everyone what they have and how independant they are, and things wont get better until EBW's become more humble. I must admit, I got very defensive during this conversation. I think its a natural reaction anytime that a grooup or subset that you belong to is criticized. I'm in the EBW club, and I feel like a lot of times we as a group get a bad rap and unfairly targeted. Yes, there are a lot of dumbass chicks running talking about how they dont need men. Yes, there are a ton of dumbass chicks rubbing everybody's nose in the fact that they got 8 degrees and make 6 figures. But why assume that we ALL are the same way? What bothers me most is how so many Black men will constantly complain about how they dont want to be penalized for the behavior of the previous dude...yet they treat all EBW's as if we are man-hating bitches who want to castrate men and spend all our time in the boardroom? Assuming that we're all the same and thus a group to avoid at all costs is frustrating and hurtful. I remember when I jokingly threaatened to quit Black men after a series of bad dates. Every Black man I know came out the woodwork to protest that I was unfairly penalizing the entire group for the behavior of a few...yet that is exactly what many of them is doing to EBW's! Do they not see the hypocrisy? I dont think the answer to the issues surrounding Black relationships among folks in my generation isnt as simple as "be more humble". What are your thoughts?

A Crazy Trip to the Nail Shop

2009-03-08T18:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took a look at my feet & decided I needed to hit the nail shop. Yes, it had been a minute since I'd gotten a pedicure, so I hopped in the car and drove to the other side of town. I started going to this particular nail shop when I first moved to Orlando (and thus lived on that side of town) and didnt want find someplace new. Anyway, if you know anything about Orlando, then you know that one of the main roads, Orange Blossom Trail (or OBT) is a known hoe stroll, from about the Turnpike up to Colonial, and maybe even north of that. You can see hoes out on OBT, anytime day or night, even at noon, which is crazy to me. This is important to the story, cause the nail shop is on OBT, across from the Florida Mall....that area has a lot of tourists, and apparently tourists need hoes. But I digress...back to the story... So I'm in my pedicure seat, soaking my feet and twitting away (I'm such an addict) when these two loud chicks & a dude come in. The shop was pretty much empty, so their entrance got everyone's attention. They asked for full sets & eyebrow waxes, so they had to walk past where I was sitting. First thing I noticed was that these chicks had on ridiculously high heels...the kind that either models in runway shows or hookers wear. And 1 chick (the white girl) had on these itty-bitty shorts with a big ass tattoo on her thigh. Yeah, I know, a tattoo does not equal hoe, I'm just setting the scene. So I'm getting my feet done, twitting, and listening to these loud ass chicks...and the stuff they was saying was really making me question if they were hoes or not. I couldnt tell one way or the other at first. But then I moved to the table to let my feet dry, so I was right across from the white girl. She got a phone call and this is basically how it went down: "Hello? Can I help you?" "Who is this?" "Oh Luis, how you doing? "Yeah, I can probably come through in about an hour, cause I'm getting my nails done" "Its 100 and no less" "Naw its 100 or nothing!" "Man, tighten up!" *click* Yeah....she was a hoe. And then she and her friend discussed putting pics up on Craigslist, and I doubt they put them in the "dating" section, if you know what I mean. Lots of loud talking and whatnot, and their conversation was so obvious, if you were halfway paying attention. When did hoes start putting all they biz out there in the nail shop? I couldnt believe it...I've never had much interaction with actual hoes before, besides just seeing them walk down the street. I didnt realize they were so high-tech with the cell phones & Internet and whatnot. Anyway...anybody else got any crazy hoe stories?

"The Watchmen" Review

2009-03-06T16:23:00.003-06:00

Today was my off-Friday, so I decided to go to a matinee showing of "The Watchmen". I had been anticipating the release of this film even though I'm not a comic book movie fiend. I read The Movie Blog and they had covered this film pretty extensively prior to its release, so I was interested in seeing it to see what all the hype was about. "The Watchmen" takes place in an alternate United States in 185 - the Cold War is still going strong & nuclear war could happen at any moment, Richard Nixon is President and superheros are common, at least until legislation drives them underground. The film begins with a former superhero being killed by an unknown person. This opening sequence is pretty violent, and sets the tone for the rest of the film. Through the course of the film we discover the rest of the Watchmen, and see the events that led to them being driven underground. Most of the film is devoted to the crew trying to discover who is trying to kill them off. There is your traditional climax at the end with the "villian" and the loose ending which allows for a sequel should the film do well. Aight, so let's get to the good stuff. First, I really enjoyed this film. Even though it was long as hell (almost 3 hours) it held my attention. The action sequences were great, but very gory. Some stuff I had to close my eyes on, cause there is only so much blood & bones & whatnot that I can take. I found the plot to be interesting, the dialogue didn't get on my nerves very much, and the cinematography was good. And I liked how overall the film had a "dark" feeling, and how they used various elements to create that feeling. Now, the cautions. Like I said, this movie is long as hell. That can be a deterrant to some folks. And DON'T TAKE THE KIDS! This movie is rated R for a reason. There are several sex scenes, and 1 is more involved than just folks moving under the sheets (ie you can see stuff). And Dr. Manhattan is naked in most of the film, so you can see blue wang many times. I was actually shocked when I realized that they were showing his wang all willy-nilly. Overall, I enjoyed the Watchmen, so much that I want to go pick up the graphic novel and see what I'm missing. Definitely go check it out.

My Style Evolution

2009-03-05T06:33:00.002-06:00

I noticed a few months ago that my style/fashion sense has completely changed. Over the years I've gone through several transformations, which mostly have been tied to my body shape and how I feel about it. I've gone from the baggy clothes, to the cute dressy look everyday, back to baggy clothes during my grad school years. Now that I'm a real grown-up (how crazy is that) my style has evolved to a more classic, almost preppy look. The stores I frequent has changed, and my closet looks completely different than what it used to. I've given up the "trendy" cheap stores in favor of stores that offer a more classic style & more classic pieces. A few years ago I would have never shopped in Banana Republic or Ann Taylor, and now those are 2 of my favorite stores. I have a ton of cardigans, simple button-ups or polos, and skirts, when I used to be a simple jeans and t-shirt girl. Has your style evolved or changed? What things do you love now that you didn't like before?

Weekend recap

2009-03-02T10:56:00.002-06:00

I'm gonna start the recap from Thursday...I did have to work on Friday, but I went to dinner with a friend, tk. He's funny...anyway, we went to Friday's and I ordered a 3-for-all, which I shouldn't have gotten, but I only ate like 1 potato skin, 1 mozarella and 2 chicken wings so I guess its ok. Friday I had to work, then went to the gym and had a good workout...then went to NBA City to watch the Magic game with LM and TK. First, why the hell is NBA City so far from the parking garage @ Universal? Second, I totally forgot that they are doing the Mardi Gras thing and I had to pay to park. We should have went to Hooters...but then I would have had wings. I did have 2 Long Islands which were really good, I haven't had those in YEARS. Saturday LM and I went suit shopping, cause my interview is Tuesday. We first went to the Kasper outlet (one of the few great things about Orlando -all the outlets!) and I wound up getting the first suit I tried on. Its a black skirt suit and the skirt has a cute little pleated embellishment on the bottom. And it was on the clearance rack, love it! I did get a cardigan from Ann Taylor, but I didn't see a shell for my suit, and I didn't find one at Banana Republic either. I did get some cute heels from the Nine West outlet, they are pretty comfy so I think I'll be ok. We also went over to the mall, and I couldn't find anything that worked in a color that I wanted....I want my shell to be a power color since my suit is black. Anyway, after shopping I went home to change and then met my soror T, cause she asked me to go to Gainesville with her for the Florida Invitational Step Show (FISS). Apparently this is a big deal in Florida...I've never been but she really wanted to go so I said what the hell. The show is on the UF campus, so that was my first time on campus. From what I saw, it reminded me of UGA. When we got to the venue and hopped out the car, I was amazed and annoyed at all the chicks who came in short skirts/dresses and heels. Who puts on club attire to go to a stepshow? Isnt that what jeans and a cute top are for? I mean, it completely blew my mind. I've been to my fair share of stepshows, and I've never seen such foolishness. And to top it off, it was chicks trying to pull off stuff that they had no business wearing..ugh. As for me, I wore a cute royal blue v-neck top w/ a cami (to just show a hint of cleavage, lol), some cute dark jeans, royal blue ballet flats, and my gold line jacket, and I had my gold Coach tote. I wasn't going all crazy. I didn't even do a full face, I wasn't wearing foundation and just a touch of blush, eyeshadow, liner, mascara and lipstick/liner. The sorors section was between the Alphas and the Kappas, and I was initially disappointed in the lack of suitable eyecandy. And I was feeling a bit old with the abundance of 07's and 08's on jackets. I heard a rumor of a "spring 09" jacket but I didn't see it, but blah @ that. Later on once the show started I did meet some cutie Kappas that were sitting across from me, which was a plus. Now the show...they started with a little unity intro thing, 1 rep from each of the D9. Cute, but long, and since they started 30 mins late I was ready to get the show started. Everybody but the AKA's and Iotas stepped. Kappas went first, way too much caning, and of course they had the obligatory "hump the stage" portion of the show. No cane drops though, I was surprised. Sorors from St. Louis went next, they had a good show, and a Coming to America theme. Deltas from Tallahassee did a "Hotel 1913" theme, and they were on point, I can't even front. They were doing high kicks and splits and flips and all kinds of stuff. Ques did a "Saw" theme, the hops were good but I didn't really get the theme. Zetas were from Washington State, and almost their entire show was frat tribute steps (which I hate but I digress) and they had several non-Black members on stage. Phi Betas did a "Zombies" theme, and they also had 2 White members on stage. I didn't like their costumes but the steps were good. Alphas did a "Graduation" theme & stepped in caps & gowns, and they had a great show. Columbus Short was the host, and he sucks at life. He's so freaking little (so his last name fits), and he had no clue what he was doing. I'mma need stepshow hosts to at least attempt to brush up on NPHC orgs before doing the event. He was mispronouncing orgs and overall just being dumb. Luckily the mics & sound system sucked so I could barely make out what he was saying. Aight, so the Alphas & Deltas won the show, and the sorors got 3rd. Overall it was a good night. Saw some folks I knew, met some cuties, got some numbers, and got back to Orlando in one piece. Sunday I slept in, chilled, cleaned, learned I had a flat tire (luckily I was at home), and did laundry. Exciting, huh?

More Random Stuff..

2009-02-22T17:00:00.003-06:00

Where do I begin.... *Had another recruiting trip to GT this weekend. I always love doing recruitment at GT; its great to get a company sponsored trip to both Atlanta and my alma mater. I love Tech, and I think I didnt properly appreciate it when I was there. Anyway, I had a crazy hectic Thursday and Friday. First, last week was National Engineering Week, so on Tuesday and Thursday we had student come in to tour our site, and I was a stop on the tour. So Thursday I couldnt leave until after 1pm. I was hoping to hop an earlier flight, but it was delayed, so I didnt get into Atlanta until almost 5. And then, somehow Avis didnt have my Preferred account linked to my reservation so I had to wait around for a car. On a high note, it took me only 15 minutes to get from the airport to Tech's campus. When I got to the informational session (the first of our recruitment events), I was informed that I was needed to help interview candidates the next day, which was a surprise to me. Normally I'm just a greeter. Anyway, we had a TON of students show up which really surprised me. I guess nobody else is hiring. Anyway, I was dead tired that night, but somehow I couldnt sleep and I work up every 2 hours. On Friday, we had a full interview schedule, which was quite an experience. Its kinda weird to be on the otherside of the table, when just a couple years ago I was the college student looking for a job. Overall we had some good candidates. *The rest of my trip was kinda blah, with a few exceptions. See, I was supposed to have this fabulous romantic weekend, including a 5 course dinner at the Ritz-Carleton. The gentleman was someone that I was really digging, and I thought he was really digging me too, considering how much he told me he liked me and thought about me and whatnot. But Monday, he called and told me "Its not you, its me". Thats right, he gave me the line that EVERYONE knows is bullshit, so I'm still at a loss as to why he decided to cancel the plans we made 3 weeks ago, 3 days before I flew into Atlanta. Anyway, since I had extremely short notice that my plans were now off, and I had to spend at least 24 hours nursing my hurt feelings, that didnt leave me much time to make plans with my friends. 2 were out of town, a couple were booked, so I just gave up and tried to make the best of it. I went to the High Museum of Art and saw the terra cotta soldiers from China, which was very cool. I had lunch with VS and her daughter, who is still the cutest thing and is now walking @ 10 months old. I had dinner with 1 friend, but I didnt go out to any clubs or lounges. Part of it was I just wasnt interested (still nursing hurt feelings I guess) and part of it was I just didnt feel "cute" enough to go out. *I did do a bit of shopping and got these cute DKNYC platform t-strap heels from DSW, originallys $90, got them $30. I also went to Lenox Square, which I havent been to in forever. They've made some changes, and I also visited the Michael Kors tote I want in the Michael Kors store. I took a strole through Macy's but I wasnt in the mood to hunt for any deals. I also Pricelined a room and wound up staying @ the Grand Hyatt in Buckhead, which was absolutely fabulous. *There's something else I want to blog about, but I've decided to keep my mouth shut to keep from jinxing myself. I opened my big mouth and raved about how much I liked the guy who dumped me last week, which made me feel even more foolish. I was raving, and he was trying to figure out how to let me down. *It appears that February isnt my month for dating, cause this time last year I was getting dumped too....I'm really tempted to just rule out dating for the rest of 2009, but I know that wont happen. But my biggest problemis that I cant figure out what I'm supposed to do next. The past few guys I've dated have all had the same M.O.: they meet me but I've got a wall up, they beg & plead for me to give them a chance cause "they are different than those guys in my past", then once I let my guard down they kick me where it hurts and I'm left kicking myself for letting the wall down. Right now I feel like my only option is to never let the wall down regardless of the amount of begging and pleading but that seems like a lonely and sad existance. I dont know what to do, anybody got any ideas? *I ate really badly in Atlanta so this week I'm focusing on eating as clean as possible - minimal meat, and only fish/seafood if I do eat meat, as little processed food as possible, lots of fresh veggies and plenty of water. *Tonight is the Oscars and I'll be tweeting throughout the night...looking forward to the show actually. *Oh and after I got dumped I jokingly said that I was gonna just let someone knock me up and just be a single mom. Its probably a bad idea though...oh well...

These kids are delusional...

2009-02-18T08:21:00.003-06:00

Found an interesting article in today's NY Times, "Student Expectations Seen as Causing Grade Disputes". Basically the article talks about how these whiny new breed of college students expect that they should get A's because they: go to lectures, read the required texts, and do the work. Some of my fav quotes from the piece:

“I think putting in a lot of effort should merit a high grade,” Mr. Greenwood said. “What else is there really than the effort that you put in?” “If you put in all the effort you have and get a C, what is the point?” he added. “If someone goes to every class and reads every chapter in the book and does everything the teacher asks of them and more, then they should be getting an A like their effort deserves. If your maximum effort can only be average in a teacher’s mind, then something is wrong.”

And then there is this gem:

Sarah Kinn, a junior English major at the University of Vermont, agreed, saying, “I feel that if I do all of the readings and attend class regularly that I should be able to achieve a grade of at least a B.”

THESE KIDS ARE WACKJOBS! *sigh* It seems like a long time ago, but I started undergrad in 2000 and graduated in 2004 (8 semesters, no summers, and a degree in chemistry ftw!). I NEVER felt a sense of entitlement. Maybe it was because I was a engineering/science major. Maybe it was because I was a Black female at a PWI and I knew I had to work my ass off. But whining about how I stayed up all night reading about Henry VIII or finishing a paper on Karl Marx or my physics lab report? Going to office hours to complain about a grade cause I studied a lot even though my score on the test didn't reflect that? HELL FUCKING NO!!!!!! These kids are the product of the damn hand-holding and whatnot we've been doing to kids for the past 20 years. Now, everybody gets a trophy or a ribbon, why, cause everybody's a winner, that's why. HELL FUCKING NO!!! These kids have been raised to believe they are "special" and "different" and "unique" which is just bullshit. They are like every other self-indulged, spoiled little brat who has always gotten their way with mommy and daddy. Now they are in college and then they DESERVE to get good grades because THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO DO! In what world does that get you a rating of "excellent"? How does that show that you have excelled past your peers when your peers are all doing the same thing? Blah. Just wait until these little self-absorbed whiners hits the real world...they won't be able to make it. Grow a pair you little whiners and start excelling! Oh and way to go for the professors who stand up to these little complainers...

I'm in love...

2009-02-14T15:21:00.002-06:00

With two new bags. Yes, I have a problem. But if you read this blog with any regularity you would already know this. I was in Nordstrom's yesterday, and made the mistake of wandering into the handbag section...cause that's when I fell in love on first sight... That good people is the Michael Kors Braided Grommet Shoulder Tote. The pic does it no justice. It is a huge bag, the leather is ridiculously soft, and the navy color is just absolutely beautiful. I already own a navy Grommet clutch, which I absolutely love. Now I want to add this shoulder tote to my collection... But I can't. Its $500, and I simply cannot justify buying it considering how the economy is going...but if anybody wants to make a donation to the "Help Jubi buy that fabulous MK bag" fund, please let me know, and I will send you my Paypal email. I also saw this beautiful black satchel by l.a.m.b., which I cannot find a pic for. But its so cute, its very Gucci-esque, and reminds me of the Joy Boston bag, which we all know I love, cause I have one... Anyway, I'm going to be keeping my eyes open @ the Michael Kors outlet store, and hopefully that fabulous navy shoulder tote will show up there soon.

Feb Random Stuff

2009-02-07T08:17:00.003-06:00

Still a Twitter addict. Its gotten pretty bad actually. I need to stop checking it so much. Rejoined WW. First weigh-in was today and I was down 3 pounds, and I only worked out 1 day. I KNOW what to do, I just can't do it alone. This time I'm not leaving until I hit goal. So far I like the new Momentum plan, they've made some good changes that fit into my lifestyle. There is a meeting right down the street from my apt, and there are 3 Saturday morning meetings, so I can make one no matter what time I get up. And I will be going to a meeting when I go to Atlanta in 2 weeks, I've already found a location. I have spring interviews @ GT next week for work, so I'm looking forward to that trip. It will be nice to get out of Orlando, I haven't been anywhere yet this year. Just did my taxes this morning, and I freaking OWE once again this year. How is this possible? Its official, I spend too much damn $ on stuff I really don't need. This weekend I will be going over my budget with a fine-tooth comb and figuring out what I can pare down. I really need to get this together. I did take a look @ my W-4 this morning, and it was set to 3! I thought it was at 2, so I lowered it. Overall though, I'm getting screwed. As a single woman with no dependents and no property, I can't get any of the big/good deductions, so The Man is always taking a good chunk of the salary that I worked hard to get after slaving away in grad school. Something has got to change, like a promotion. Speaking of promotions, hopefully I will get a call soon about that job in Atlanta. I really want it, and it would be a promotion, so I know I'd be getting way more $ in salary. Got a chance to see "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" yesterday. It was predictable, being a prequel and all, but I enjoyed it. It was entertaining and sufficiently bloody. Oh, and lastly, I've decided to start transitioning to natural hair. I got my first relaxer at like age 5, and for a couple years in middle school I was relaxer free, but I always got my hair pressed. I've never dealt with my natural texture, and I keep seeing these beautiful heads of natural hair and I'm always so jealous. So I'm looking forward to the journey. I'm going to transition for at least 1 year, but I'm shooting for 18 months. Got any tips?

Movie Review: "Slumdog Millionaire"

2009-01-31T16:43:00.003-06:00

Yes, I was super late in seeing this film. I had it on my list of movies to see back in Dec, and I finally got a chance to see it today. I'm sure most folks know what this film is about, but I'll quickly recap anyway. Its the story of Jamal Malik, who is competing on India's version of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" Jamal is a poor kid from the slums of Mumbai (hence "slumdog") and everyone is amazed that he's 1 question away from the grand prize, which has never been achieved before, even by the highly educated contestants. Its assumed he must be cheating, so he gets beaten up by the police and they make him explain how he knows the answers to the obscure questions on the show. The movie consistently flashes between the "present", when Jamal is on the game show, and his past, as he describes the events in his life that have both shaped him and given him the knowledge to be successful on the show. We see him growing up with 2 people that are central in his life - his older brother Salim and Latika, a girl from the slums. Usually I hate flashback films, but in this film it didn't bother me at all. The screenplay and cinematography allowed for seamless transitions between the present and the flashbacks. Most films make flashbacks very jerky and awkward, but that wasn't a problem here. Immediately this film gets you to be on Jamal's side. You want him to make it, especially as you see some of the things he goes through in his young life. As I watched this film, I couldn't help but think about how this film could have been set in the US. Poor kid in slums/ghetto, goes through so many traumatic experiences just to be able to eat and have a roof over his head, stays strong and struggles, but eventually makes it to something bigger and better. This just goes to show that the plight of the poor and downtrodden isn't unique to the US, in fact, poor people all over the world share a common existence. The character I hated the most was the brother, Salim. I still can't figure out exactly was the motivation for some of his behaviors in the film, especially towards the end. A bit more development of his character and unveiling of his motivations would have been helpful, but I understand why the writers and director didn't go down that road. Overall, I was captivated and moved by "Slumdog Millionaire". I thought it was a touching story told in an intriguing way that both entertained me and sparked thoughts in my mind. Definitely go check out this film if you get a chance.

Am I Shallow?

2009-01-28T07:48:00.002-06:00

This past weekend I was told that I only date dark-skinned men and that I shun light-skinned men. Background: My mom was in town for the weekend, so I invited my soror T and my good friend LM to join us for dinner at Kobe (yum!). At dinner somehow the topic of who I go out with came up, and both of my friends and my mom all I agreed that I don't date light-skinned men. I was floored. I insisted they were wrong. So then they started rattling off all the guys I've dated in Orlando...I pictured each one in my mind and realized that there was not a man lighter than "brown-skinned" in the bunch. Damn, they are right. At least when it comes to my dating history in Orlando. At least that's how I tried to spin it. But then my mom brought up guys I dated in Atlanta...and they were all brown-skinned or darker. Even CB was about my complexion, and you can't really consider me light-skinned, I'm more like a caramel/peanut butter brown color. I would consider Moms to be light-skinned though. Aight, so its official - I have been neglecting men on the lighter end of the brown spectrum. But then I started really comtemplating the topic. I don't think I'm color-struck, but am I subconciously deeming light-skinned men unacceptable? I find some light-skinned men attractive, but I can admit that I tend to gravitate towards men who are my complexion and darker, strictly off physical looks. But WHY do I do it? Is it just what I'm wired to like? Is it the years of Pro-Black, "you better not bring home a White devil" lessons my father taught me? Am I subconciously thinking about the complexion of my future children? Or am I just shallow and/or color-struck, thinking that light-skinned = bad? I can't blame it on a boyfriend who did me wrong, cause thinking back I've never dated a light-skinned man. Is it possible for someone to just be wired to like a certain thing, without it being shallow? Where do you draw the line? If you say having a skin color preference is acceptable, does that mean having an education level preference or income preference is also acceptable? Or a height requirement or minimum credit score? I've always considered myself to not be a shallow person, but maybe I am. I hope not though. Shallow is ok when you just want to play the field and have fun, but I'm getting bored with that life. I'd like to be serious with someone, and you can't choose a guy based on how much he makes, what he drives, or how tall he is. Choosing a guy should be about his character, his personality, his attributes and what he brings to my life, and you can't really be shallow with that kind of stuff. So what do you think, am I shallow? Are you shallow?

Movie Review: "Not Easily Broken"

2009-01-20T08:01:00.002-06:00

On Friday night a couple of friends and I went to check out "Not Easily Broken". My mom had already seen it and enjoyed it, but I was still on the fence. I did not enjoy "The Family That Preys" and I was worried that NEB would be along the same lines: vilifying successful Black women who choose to have a career. NEB is about a couple, Clarice and Dave, who get married with the best intentions but get bogged down by the stress of life. Early in the movie they establish that Clarice is focused on her career and keeping up with the Joneses in terms of material possessions. This is the point where I start to get worried that this is "The Family That Preys"-Part II. I was not expecting the accident twist. I was HIGHLY annoyed and offended by Jennifer Lewis's character, the meddling, nosy, loud-mouth, disrepectful mother-in-law. I wish I could have reached through the screen and slapped her a few times. Her behavior was horrible, and her daughter was busy taking all her cues from her mother, which contributed to the breakdown in her marriage. I love Wood Harris, but I hated his performance in this movie. He and his character seemed so unnecessary to the story. He's too good of an actor to be regulated to a secodary, flat character with no development or definition. I did like Neicy Nash the few times she was on screen, and I appreciated that she did not have a flower in her hair. I won't give away the entire plot, but I will say that I was much more satisfied and less pissed off with this film, compared to TFTP. With the former, I walked away feeling like "damn, why am I the bad guy just cause I want to have a career?" NEB took a different approach. Clarice was able to be honest with herself and realize just how much damage she had done by listening to her bitter ass mama and allowing her to be a part of her marriage. I've said before, when you grow up without seeing examples of how to make a marriage work, you are essentially starting from scratch, and knowing what NOT to do isn't the same as knowing what TO do. Clarice realized that she had been screwing up, and she figured out that loving her husband and being with him was more important than ending up like her bitter man-hating ass mama. I also appreciated that this film was not as preachy and holier-than-thou as TP's films. I believe that a message can be delivered without coming off as preachy, and this film delivered that. Of course we had a happy ending...nice in the movies but often doesn't happen in real life. But it was nice to see it all come together at the end. Overall, it was worth my $10. Don't think I will add it to my movie collection though.

First Random Post of '09

2009-01-05T09:47:00.002-06:00

I purposely did not do a "New Year" blog post - I wanted to be different. As much as I love my family and miss them when I'm not home, I was so ready to leave last week. I love my alone time and I got ZERO when I was at home. When I got back, my brother hit me with a guilt trip about how I work for a company that makes missiles and how Israel is bombing Muslims so indirectly I'm harming "our people". I told him that I have way more stuff that I've actually done to answer for on my Judgement Day, so I think who I work for and what they make will be way down on the list of things I have to answer for. I was quite upset though that he even hit me with it. He tried to cover it up with "Oh I'm not trying to judge you blah blah blah" but that's exactly what it was. Me quit my job because of what other folks are doing? Yeah, not likely. I've become a big Twitter addict. I still want to get a cooler Twitter icon to add to my blog though. When I get some free time I'm going to work on that. Today is my first day back in the office. Its been quiet and boring so far. I've also been avoiding the old angry White man who tried to start shit with me on my last day here in December. I really don't want to have to go off on someone in 2009. I've decided that I need to step my game up at work and stop using "I work in a lab" as an excuse to wear jeans and sneakers everyday. Over the past 2 weeks I've gotten a lot of cute separates for work and also some new comfy loafers. I've also started wearing makeup whenever I go out and to work, instead of just when I have evening plans or a date. Just those little touches have me feeling more girly and feminine. I got a new phone while I was at home. I went to the Sprint store with TS, and wound up getting a Blackberry Curve. I was interesting in getting a Blackberry, but I didn't want to pay for a BB data plan, cause those suckers are expensive! Well, Sprint just introduced a new family plan - its 1500 anytime mins, nights @ 7pm, unlimited Internet and texting, and it was only $5 more than what I was paying before. So I went with that, so now I have 1000 more mins a month between my 2 phones, and Internet/texting on both. And the GPS Navigation is included in the unlimited internet so I've been using it (very nice btw!). I'm loving the push email (cause having to go in and d/l manually on my Q was getting old) and the apps that are made for the BB. Overall I think it was a good choice. I need more folks for my BB Messenger though, so send me your BB pin!

Throwbacks!

2009-01-03T16:59:00.004-06:00

This was my stuff! WHERE IS ZHANE?!?!?!?!?! I still love this song.... WHERE IS PORTRAIT?!?!?!?!?!? 6th or 7th grade (I can't remember which one), this was my song! Was this the beginning of rappers/celebs making cameos in other rappers videos?

My Mom can be a jerk

2008-12-28T19:21:00.002-06:00

So as previously mentioned in earlier posts, I'm at home visiting for the holidays. My sentence is up, and I'm flying back to Orlando tomorrow. Normally I don't look forward to returning to the place I affectionately refer to as "the seventh circle of hell" but right now its looking like Club Med (is that place still open?) compared to being at home and dealing with my crazy ass family. There's one thing in particular that my mom has been doing that has been driving me crazy - She's been so racist and close-minded on the topic of Black women and long hair. To my mom, if a Black woman has hair that is shoulder length or longer, especially if she's dark-skinned, then its AUTOMATICALLY a weave. In her mind, its IMPOSSIBLE for so many Black women to have long hair. And then she proclaimed that our DNA isn't programmed for us to have long hair! *sigh* Never mind the fact that both of her daughters have hair past their shoulders. I'm surprised she hasn't been running her hands through my hair to look for tracks. I tried to explain to her that there are many Black women who have long hair (and when I say long I'm talking at least brastrap down to waist length), but she's apparently oblivious to any type of reasoning. I just dont understand her reasoning or her vendetta against Black women having long hair, its almost like she doesnt want anyone else to have long hair just because she doesnt have it. But to ASSume that every Black chick with hair that isn't broken off, dry as hell, full of split ends, or so dirty that it smells is wearing a weave is messed up, and it lightweight hurt my feelings. Talking to my mom about this topic really pissed me off because I am in the process of growing my hair out, and also because I've always thought my mom was too smart to believe such crap. I never thought that my mom would believe in stereotypes about what "Blackness" is. And its really pissing me off to know that if my mom thinks this way, then there are a ton of people out there who think just like her. *sigh again* I'm really disappointed.

Being at Home

2008-12-26T17:35:00.002-06:00

As in, my hometown. It sucks...badly. Whenever I come home, I am reminded why I left. This trip home has been particularly depressing. I've always thought of my hometown as small, but now its just tiny to me. Nothing is here. I went after-Christmas shopping, and the only place that I really wanted to visit was Macy's. There's no Ann Taylor, no Express, no Gap, no Urban Outfitters (though there is one by MSU), no The Limited. And even the Macy's was tiny. *sigh* looks like I'm hitting the outlets when I get back to Orlando. I'm just so thankful that I was able to get out of this town. I hate to think what my life would have been like here, I'd probably be somebody's baby mama and working some nothing job. Even though I hate Orlando, I'm lucky to be living there instead of here.

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Review

2008-12-25T19:14:00.002-06:00

Tonight I got a chance to see the movie with my mom and sister. I had been eagerly anticipating this movie, and I was hoping it would not disappoint. "Benjamin Button" is based on a short story of the same name by F. Scott Fitzgerald, who happens to be one of my favorite authors of all time. The story follows Benjamin Button, who is born an old man and ages backward. Early in his life he meets a girl named Daisy, and their fates are intertwined throughout the rest of the film. Let me start by saying that I absolutely loved loved loved this film. First, it has so many great actors, beginning with Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. Both are strong, accomplished actors and to have them play against each other was a great choice. Taraji P. Henson plays Benjamin's mother, and she does a superb job (and she's come along way from playing a pregnant hooker). The second thing to love is the storyline. In some ways, the story is simplistic and predicable - you know that its a story of a man who is born old and ages backward. But even though you can see what is coming next, it never feels predictable - instead, the story and the film just seem to flow in a natural progression, which neither feels too rushed or too slow. You get lost in seeing the world through Benjamin's eyes, and going through each stage of life with him. The third thing to love is the love story between Daisy and Benjamin. They meet when they are both the same age, and their lives and fates are closely linked for the rest of their lives, even though they are aging in opposite directions. It is easy to see the chemistry between Pitt and Blanchett and to fall in love with the love story between the two main characters. Now, the bad....well, it is a bit too long. The film runs 2 hours and 48 minutes, and there are a few times where it feels a bit too long, even though the story was moving at a good pace. I did find myself wondering what time it was a few times in the film. The film also leaves you feeling a bit melancholy at the end, which can be expected given the subject matter. Overall, I thought "Benjamin Button" was an amazing film, and one of my favorites of 2008. I highly recommend that you check it out.

The Cuddlebuddy

2008-12-23T17:27:00.002-06:00

So I'm in MI visiting my family for the holidays, and it is freaking cold! The max temp since I've been here has been 25 degrees, and we've gotten about 2 feet of snow in 4 days. Today I found myself wishing I had a cuddlebuddy to keep mee warm. For those that are unaware, a cuddlebuddy is a dude whose sole purpose is to cuddle with you. He is not a JO (jumpoff) or a FwB (friend with benefits), he's not even a simp (a topic that we'll address later). He's just a guy that you call when you need to be held, and then comes over and you cuddle with him and normally go to sleep. When you wake up you both go your separate ways until the next time you call him for another cuddle session. Most men can't understand the concept of a cuddlebuddy (CB), even though most have played the role at some point in their life. Most men think a dude who only cuddles with a woman and doesn't get or attempt anything sexual is either a sucker or a simp. But the cuddlebuddy serves an important role. Think about it: you can't cuddle with a JO, cause you dont want them to get any ideas that you have any interest in them beyond the sex; a FwB could fill the role, if necessary, but then you start to blur the line between FwB and actual relationship, and you may not be ready for that. So if you want to be held and cuddled but don't want to give off any unintended signals, you have no choice but to either get a cuddlebuddy or cuddle with your favorite stuffed animal, and a CB is much more fun. I remember my first CB. It was my first year of college, and I went to school in Minnesota, so pretty quickly I was lamenting the cold and wishing I had someone to keep me warm. I met my CB through a mutual friend, and we hit it off pretty quickly. We would skip Calc 1 and cuddle in my little twin bed in my dormroom and take a nap. That was fun. During the rest of my collegiate career, I always kept a CB. In Minnesota, when it can snow from October to April, it is necessary to keep warm. I even had a few in Atlanta, because it does get pretty chilly there too. Unfortunately I haven't had too many in Orlando, but I wouldnt mind getting one. Even though its not cold, its still nice to have someone hold you in their arms. So for all you single folks, freezing your butts off, I suggest you go out and find a cuddlebuddy this winter.

End of Year Recap - Part I

2008-12-23T10:50:00.002-06:00

Ehhh....I had this whole post written but it came off kinda whiny to me. Yeah, my 2008 has been up and down. But I don't really feel like rehashing the same stuff over and over. In general I'm looking to have a better year in 2009, but isn't everyone? My biggest focus is going to be working on incorporating LoA more into my everyday life. And I'd like to do more with my blog - post more consistently and discuss different topics. In other news, I've been home since Thursday and its been freezing cold and snowing everyday. Florida is looking good right now. My family has been working my nerves a little bit, but that's what family is for I guess.

Throwback Thursday

2008-12-11T16:22:00.002-06:00

We taking it back to the "Streets is Watching" soundtrack. This was MY SONG when it came out, in like what, 98? Where is Rell now? We need to send out an APB Ok, the skullcap, big ass jacket with no shirt, and the Tommy Hilfiger boxers? Priceless. You know what else is priceless? Jay and Dame at the same table...*sigh* those were the days.

According to this research, the Man really is holding me down

2008-12-10T14:28:00.002-06:00

Saw this article today: Confident women seen as lacking social skills. I won't post the whole article, but here are a few "gems":

A new study in Psychology of Women Quarterly finds that women who present themselves as confident and ambitious in job interviews are viewed as highly competent but also lacking social skills. Women who present themselves as modest and cooperative, while well liked, are perceived as low on competence. By contrast, confident and ambitious male candidates are viewed as both competent and likable and therefore are more likely to be hired as a manager than either confident or modest women. ....
According to this research, women who seek managerial roles face a double bind. In order to be viewed as sufficiently qualified for leadership, they must present themselves as confident and ambitious. But if they do so, they risk prejudice for acting "unfeminine," which can result in hiring discrimination. Thus, in performance settings where confidence and ambition are required to get ahead, men have a clear advantage.

Now this study may not be ground-breaking, anecdotally this type of thing has been talked about for years. But this is proving that this isn't just an anecdotal, once or twice occuring phenomenon, this is something that women face quite regularly. Its no secret that I wish to be in upper management, and become a senior executive one day. I actually was in a lunch meeting today, and I realized about halfway through that I was the only woman in the room (and I was also the only minority, yay!). I observed the interactions between all the men in the room, who were also considerably older than me, and I starting thinking to myself that I literally work in an old boy's club. My next thoughts were how to infiltrate the club.

Twitter

2008-12-10T08:06:00.003-06:00

LK made me join a few months ago, but I just started really getting into it. Now I'm kinda obsessed. I like exploring and finding new people to follow. Interesting to see the different ways people twit...some are very stream-of-conciousness, others are purely informational, some are personal, etc. Right now I'm just twitting whatever I feel at that particular moment. Anybody got any Twitter tips for me?

2008-12-07T14:59:00.002-06:00

Wanna Know - The Foreign Exchange The first time I heard this song I thought "I want my first dance at my wedding to be to this song". Yeah, I know, its so not what you think a "first dance" song should be...but I"m different like that. Then I thought "LK is probably the only guy who would appreciate his future wife choosing this song for their first dance". One of the many reasons why I love he.

Once again, I'm late...

2008-12-03T08:32:00.002-06:00

Last night I finally got put onto Foreign Exchange. I blame everyone I know for leaving me in the dark for so long. I'm in love... Oh yeah, this musical fiasco is making me seriously think about just ditching my satellite radio altogether. I was already upset about the merger that happened with no warning and the deletion of a couple of the urban stations. And its gotten a lot more commercial/main-stream, so what's the point of paying to listen to stuff that I can hear for free? Especially now that a lot of the stations play commercials. I would lose my news stations (PRI, CNN, Headline News, ESPNews, BBC America) but I think I'mma have to just switch to NPR in the morning....

Remember this? Part II

2008-12-02T18:54:00.001-06:00

7th grade dances....that was the business.... And yes, I did get up and do the Tootsee Roll while I was watching this video... Did yall catch those Orlando Shaq jerseys? Doesn't it seem like a million years since Shaq played for the Magic?

Remember this?

2008-12-02T16:55:00.003-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxBgw2C3U_Y Yeah, you gotta click the link cause the damn embedding is disabled... Anyway...I heard that song in the car on the way home today.... Took me back to junior/senior year...man, those were the days... And that Donnell Jones album always reminds me of this dude I was kicking it with my senior year...His name was Juan, and that was my boo (or at least one of them...) Ahh the memories....

2008-12-02T07:08:00.003-06:00

This morning I was reading the Orlando Sentinel online, like I do every morning before I actually get to work, and I see this article, "Orlando is No. 13 destination for relocating singles". I read the article, and it left me scratching my head. I've made no secret of how abysmal my dating life has been since I moved to Orlando in August 2006. Orlando wasn't even on my radar in terms of cities (or towns in Orlando's case) I'd like to live in. I only ended up here cause I needed a job, and Orlando is better than my hometown, but not by much. But I digress. In the two+ years I've been here, I've been lucky enough to meet a few like-minded folks. And we all agree, Orlando is the bottom of the barrel when it comes to single life. And if it sucks for people who are in the cash cow "industry" here - tourism/service, then YOU KNOW its got to be bad for the few professional folks that are here. So it boggles my mind why anyone would think moving here would improve their single life. You'll probably make less money, spend more on rent with a sucky apartment, have to drive everywhere because its so spread out, and you'll see the same 10 people wherever you go. What's so great about that? It seemed to me that the authors of the study only looked at numbers, without actually analyzing what was going on in the city. Sure there may have been an influx of single people, but how many of those single folks are still single after being here for a while? How many of those single people are satisfied with the social scene in Orlando? How many people are clawing for any chance to get the hell out of Orlando ASAP? Yeah, I'm sure those things weren't discussed or even thought of. Orlando is not the place to be single. Better yet, its just not the place...at all.

I'm a fraud...

2008-11-30T15:26:00.003-06:00

I mentioned in my last post that JG came over and spent part of Thanksgiving with me. He's studying for the MCAT, and we were discussing science, and I mentioned to him all the stuff that I DON'T remember from organic chemistry. The funny part is that my training is in organic/polymer synthesis and characterization....that's right, 2 degrees, 6 years and I don't remember a lot of stuff. To prove just how little I remembered about organic chemistry, he pulled out his MCAT study guide, and we went through some of the problems. So the book had both a general chemistry section and an organic chemistry section. I actually did good on the gen chem stuff, but then again, I've been doing it since like junior year of high school. The O Chem section kicked my ass though! For the life of me I cannot remember stuff like the difference between a SN1 and a SN2 reaction, or what makes a good leaving group, and don't even think about asking me to identify a reaction or do a mechanism. I really need to do better, and more importantly, I want to do better. I need to be a better chemist. I'm gonna dig out my copy of Wade (that's the O Chem book we used btw) and learn the stuff I should have learned sophmore year instead of bs'ing my way through it. I will say this though...I think a big reason why I don't those particular parts of O Chem is because I never use them. I work solely in characterization/material properties/failure analysis now, and that craft I know. I can look at a spectrum and tell you exactly what's going on, and that skill I'm proud of.

A much needed breaak...

2008-11-30T12:15:00.002-06:00

I spent my Thanksgiving holiday in Orlando, and I'm glad I did. After such a busy Oct and Nov and getting sick during the Phoenix trip, I needed the rest. I decided to just cook my own dinner, watch football, sleep on the couch, and just chill. I did go shopping for Black Friday. I've been wanting 2 things: a Nintendo DS bundle and an Asus EEE-pc. I wound up getting both, though I had to wait in line at CompUSA for FOUR HOURS! Luckily I had some company, JG came to visit Thanksgiving Day and he came to shop with me. We also hit the outlets and I was dead tired by the time I got home. I am very happy with my new toys, I heart them. Especially my EEE-PC which I'm using right now. Its so cute and it only weighs 3 pounds, which is a lot lighter than my laptop. And I like my DS, I just need some more games. After this long break I really dont want to go to work tomorrow...

The Indepence Conundrum

2008-11-22T17:00:00.003-06:00

Am I the only one that has noticed the prevalence of recent songs about "independent women"? The most recent one is Ne-Yo's "Miss Independent" and the remix "She Got Her Own". I actually like this song, but tonight as I was listening to the song I started really thinking about the subject. The topic of the independent woman hits very close to home, since I think the phase describes me pretty well. As much as I claim to want some help with the bills, I do take pride in knowing that I worked hard, I continue to work hard, and that I can keep myself in a relatively comfortable lifestyle. I'm not balling out of control, but I can do the things that I want to do without missing any bills, which is the important thing. But I digress... Its seems that there are some conflicting views about independent women from the men. And as a woman who falls into the catagory, I feel like I, or we, can't win for losing. If you go to college, work hard, graduate, get a job, pay your bills, buy yourself nice things, don't ask folks to keep your lights on or pay to get your hair done, why is that a negative? Shouldn't that be what we want folks to do? Too many times I've heard from my male friends, my educated professional male friends, that they are not checking for an educated, professional woman. Nope, instead, they want that chick that just has a regular job, that chick that needs to ask for help with the light bill or to get her nails done. For the longest time I couldn't understand it, until someone pointed out to me the obvious: the "knight in shining armor" factor. If your chick makes as money as you do or more, how can you put your cape on and save her? You can't, though she probably could put her cape on and save you. So if you get off by being able to show off the S on your chest and save the damsel in distress, then yeah, an independent woman is not gonna be the one for you. But that concept seems so....foreign to me. And extremely wack. Why is it so important to put that cape on in the first place? Is that really appealing, the need to have to take care of another human being? Maybe I have too much estrogen and too little testosterone to completely understand this, but I'm at a loss.... Oh, I almost forgot. A lot of these same dudes are so anti-independent woman that they are offended if a woman tries to do something for them. They act like you threatened to cut off on of their balls. Try to buy them a drink or pay for dinner and its a wrap. They take it as an affront to their manhood, and I REALLY don't understand that. Is manhood tied to how many dinners they pay for? Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that I don't want a guy to ever pay....but dang, it is ok to let the ladies pick up the tab. Its especially important when you got an Applebee's budget and I got a Ruth's Chris budget. I quit Applebee's after college, so if you rolling with me, we going somewhere nice at least part of the time, and I'd be happy to pick up the tab. But I refuse to eat Applebee's all the time cause that's all you can afford, when my tastebuds and wallet want Ruth's Chris. I think I've gotten a bit off-topic, so let me try to sum this up.... There seems to some kind of love-hate relationship within our community over the idea of independent women. On one hand, we want to praise the women who do their own thing and encourage others to do the same, yet on the other hand we want to penalize them because they no longer need to be saved. How exactly does that work?

2008-11-20T19:46:00.002-06:00

Tonight I started listening to the Makaveli album. I haven't listened to it in years. Growing up 2Pac was like the 7th member of my family. Every chance he got my father was playing 2Pac, and as I listen to the album I find myself transported to my younger days, sitting with my father and brothers, listening to 2Pac and getting life lessons. Its amazing how much about the world, about myself, about my people, about my history my father taught me. "White Man'z World" came on, and I had to sit down and really listen to it. Please do the same... Considering the events of the past year, the past month, if Pac was still here with us, what would he say? How would he react to Obama's victory? I think he'd be happy, but he'd still remind us that while Obama's ascension to the Presidency is a great thing, we as a people still have much more to do. He would remind us that not much has changed since he recorded this song and that its still a White man's world, even if "we" get a chance to run it for a bit. He would encourage us to still fight for our leaders, fight for our community and what is right. Pac's words to the ladies in that song really hit me tonight. Its well-known that I've had my ups and downs with my brothers, and many times I feel so unappreciated and unloved by them. It may sound silly, but Pac kept my from going on strike tonight. His words were right on time for me. Damn, how completely different would the rap game be if Pac was still here? Maybe that's a post for another day...

Catch-up time

2008-11-20T17:01:00.002-06:00

I was in Phoenix last week, recruiting for the SHPE conference (BTW, SHPE is the Society for Hispanic Professional Engineers). I was busy busy busy especially on Saturday which was the Career Fair. But while I was there I did get a chance to meet up with an old college friend, SD. And when I say old, I mean old, cause she was my roommate at orientation which is how we met. Anyway, she's married now with a baby, and we got to have lunch and catch up for a bit, and it was really nice. I also saw Madagascar 2 while I was there....funny, but not as funny as the first one. And Bernie Mac does one of the voices, which I didn't know before I went to see it. Attending the SHPE conference was really interesting...it reminded me a lot of my NSBE days. In some ways, I do miss my old NSBE life. I made some good friends, gained a lot of skills, and had some great times. But I did not like how those of us in the sciences were treated like second class citizens, and how at that time there was not a lot of professional development for alumni members. I hear things have changed, and I also here they have doubled their membership, so congrats to them. Anyway, thanks to the ridiculously dry weather in Phoenix I got sick on my last night there, and came back with a horrible cold and dried out sinuses. So I've been suffering and self-medicating all week. I'm finally starting to feel better after two boxes of Advil Cold and Sinus, a bag of Halls, a bag of vitamin C drops, some saline flush, and two boxes of tissues. Being sick sucks. I'm not going home for Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to just laying around my apartment, possibly unpacking the stuff I need to unpack, and just relaxing. I've had a very busy Oct and Nov and I'd like to just sit down for a minute. I am going home in Dec though.

I know its early....

2008-11-06T07:48:00.002-06:00

But I've started playing Christmas music. I can't help it, I love Christmas music... I think seeing the leaves that were different colors last week in Atlanta helped push me over the edge. If I was back in the Midwest, I'd be wearing my winter gear, the leaves would be gone, and I'd be waiting for that first snow...you know the one, where it snows all night and then you wake up in the morning and everything is just white and pristine and untouched....I've always loved that very first snow, before it gets all dirty or slushy or piled up. That first snow, its so beautiful, especially if its still snowing and you can see the snowflakes falling. I miss winter. So yeah, the Christmas music is back in rotation. I have a Christmas music playlist on the iPod, and I recently picked up "The Essential Now That's What I Call Christmas" CD. My faves are Ella Fitzgerald's version of "Sleigh Ride", Ray Charles's version of "Winter Wonderland", Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas" and of course Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song". Oh, and I must play the soundtrack for "A Charlie Brown Christmas". And right after Thanksgiving XM will start the Christmas music stations, and I can't wait for that either.

A Historic Moment

2008-11-05T08:22:00.002-06:00

Wow....the events of last night...no, the events of the last year, have just amazed me. Our next President is a Black man...and a Black man that is my parents age at that. As a child, I grew up in a very pro-Black home. And very early on I developed a deep pride in myself, in my people, and our history in this country and across the globe. I saw history being made, as my father took us to see Jesse Jackson during his run in '88, and to Farrakhan rallies and speeches. Yet all of those experiences did not prepare me for the overwhelming pride and joy I felt last night. Pride in the fact that the sky truly is the limit, and that we truly can be the best that we can be without anyone or anything holding us back. So joyful that we as a people are no longer afraid to go out and claim that which is rightfully ours, and joyful that this country has finally woken up out of our 8 year nightmare. Earlier this year, I found myself so pissed at the old guard - those from the civil rights generation who refused to support Obama. But now I find myself realizing that it was not their ego that caused them to not support him, it was their fear. After all they experienced, all they endured as they tried to go about the simple task of just voting for any candidate, I can now understand how they just could not make the leap and believe that one of our own could lead this country. But I love how everyone, including Obama himself, has acknowledged and thanked those folks for all they endured and for pressing on, because last night could not have happened without them. I'm so thankful that I was able to see this, to be apart of this moment.

Atkinds Update

2008-10-26T18:34:00.003-05:00

I just realized that I hadn't done my Atkins update. I made it to Day 14 of Induction, was down 8 pounds, and was feeling so good. Then on Day 14 I had chest pain and a numb arm. Was freaked out and went to urgent care who gave me aspirin and told me to go to the ER. So I went off Atkins, cause the chest pain/numb arm thing freaked me out and I've never had that with anything else I've done. But I'm down 8 pounds, that's great, right?

Spa Weekend in South Beach

2008-10-26T18:26:00.003-05:00

Went to South Beach with my girl LM for a short getaway. Had to get out of Orlando. We stayed at her mom's timeshare, which was beautiful! We had a two-bedroom spot which was huge, it was almost a shame to not have more folks to share it with. It would have definitely been enough room for 4 or 5 people. Before we went down we made reservations at IGM Day Spa, which is on Collins Ave. We both got body scrubs, massages, facials, and spa manicures and pedicures. That was the best 4 hours I've spent in a very long time. The entire experience was just heavenly. I've had individual spa services, but having just an afternoon of spa services was so nice and relaxing. The spa package had a chocolate theme, and I smelled so yummy after we left. I highly recommend IGM Day Spa and I will definitely be going back. We spent the rest of the trip eating some really good Cuban and seafood, shopping, and we kicked it hard on Ocean Dr. with a few of my friends that live in Miami. What a great time, just what I needed. Next weekend is Atlanta and JR's defense...can't wait!

Atkins Day 8

2008-10-15T07:57:00.001-05:00

Todays begins Week 2 of my 2 week Atkins Induction. I weighed myself yesterday morning, I am down 7 pounds. My ketostix say I'm in ketosis. My hunger is totally gone, I have to remind myself to eat. This morning I couldn't even finish breakfast, I was already full. I have not cheated and don't plan to. I'm planning to move to OWL when I finish Induction, I miss dairy, berries and nuts. And so far I don't seem to be metabolically resistant to weight loss. I will mainly stick to veggie carb sources though, and will go back to Induction style eating if I see my weight loss is stalling.

Atkins Day Five

2008-10-12T12:11:00.003-05:00

Today is my 5th day on Induction. So far so good. I have not cheated once, I am so proud of myself. I plan to stay cheat-free and have a clean 14 day Induction. Yeah, I've thought about things that I'd like to eat, but I haven't indulged because I figure when I get closer to my goal I can have a little of that stuff then. I'm depriving myself a bit now so that when I have the body I want (or at least I'm close to it) I can have a little of the stuff I love. Yesterday I weighed myself and I was down 2 pounds. This morning I finally got some Ketostix to see if I was in ketosis, and my strip turned purple which means I am. Good stuff. I also have ZERO appetite. I had to make myself eat lunch and dinner yesterday. I don't get the growling stomach or hunger pains anymore when I haven't eaten in a few hours. Tuesday is day 7, and I'm going to weigh again on Wed morning to see how much I've lost.

My plan

2008-10-11T11:52:00.003-05:00

This has been the first full week that I've been in my new place, and while I like it, its not what I've been used to. My last two places have been absolutely beautiful, brand-new constructions or renovations, and this place is definitely as old as I am. At the same time, the really nice renovated places are out of my budget here, especially with the stupid credit card debt I have. The really nice places that are within my budget are too far out, like my old place was. All the great places in town would have me living off of ramen and tap water. Since this place is cheaper than my old place, and I just freaking moved in, my plan is to use this time to pay off my credit card debt completely. I've also been thinking about getting a job for the holiday season, and I'm going to make that happen. I'm going to use the snowball method and just attack my bills, and by the time my lease is up here I will be credit card debt free, and my budget will be more "fabulous apartment" friendly.

October news

2008-10-10T06:13:00.002-05:00

Can you believe its October? Where the heck did the year go? I swear it was just January. Its been about 2 weeks since I've moved into my new place, and I'm still only about 50% unpacked. But the war zone is getting better, so I guess that's progress. I was debating whether or not to put this in my blog, but I've decided to. On Wednesday I started the Induction phase of the Atkins plan. I just went and did it. I hit Publix on Tues night to get stuff to start with, and then I started Wed morning. My friend LM asked me why I started in the middle of the week instead of waiting for Sun or Mon, and I told her that when I really want to do something, I just go do it, no need to wait. So today is Day 3, and so far so good. I did wakeup with a baby migraine this morning, but after breakfast I started to feel much better. So far its been pretty easy to follow Induction, usually I have a breakfast of eggs and meat, and then my other two meals for the day are a salad with meat and cheese and then meat with a veggie. Its forced me to cook, and I even made steaks cooked in plenty of butter, yum. I'm thinking that I"m going to start cooking my breakfast in the evening, and then just reheating in the morning, because when I get up at 5AM I don't feel like cooking then. I'll keep you guys updated on how it goes, but my goal is to do a really clean Induction period for at least the 2 week minimum, and then I'll evaluate and see if I want to stay on Induction or move to the OWL level.

Atlanta recap

2008-10-06T17:32:00.003-05:00

Last week I was in Atlanta for work, we had recruitment activities at GT. This was my second time going up for recruitment and I had been looking forward to it. I flew in Wed afternoon, and went straight to this hair shop that does $10 rollersets. Everything was great, except that I was there 2.5 hours and I really didn't like my hair when I left. The lady just refused to flatiron my roots correctly so it was poofy. I pulled it back and it calmed down some. I managed to check-in at the hotel, change, and then meet JR at the new chem building. I saw a couple of folks I knew, like my advisor, who I think was relieved that I wasn't holding up a "will do chemistry for food" sign. The info session was good, ran into some folks I met at the last info session. Once I finally made it back to the hotel, AH came over and wound up sleeping over, and the cuddle time was kinda nice. Thursday we had interviews all day, so I spent my day directing students, answering the same 5 questions, and cracking jokes. I met JR for lunch and we got a chance to talk. I can tell that she's really freaked out about not having a job yet, and also that her defense is 3 weeks away. After interviews I met one of the recruiters for dinner, and I had some sushi at Strip, which was yummy, as always. CG stopped by for a quick minute, but I wasn't into watching the debate (still boycotting) so he dipped. Friday was pretty much like Thursday. Lots of interviews. I did go to the Varsity for lunch, and it was my first time there....and not bad, I probably should have gone when I was a Tech student. I took myself to dinner at Copeland's cause AH was too cool to join me. I was planning on hanging with JM that night, but she had to cancel, so I went to Dolce in Atlantic Station and met a couple kids I went to undergrad with. While I was there I met the party promoter and a saxophone player, and the latter was really cute. I wound up chatting him up and chilling with him for a bit at The Grape, and while I was there I met the owner of The Grape, who is very tall and very cute. Saturday I screwed around a bit, I got some new bras from Intimacy (who also informed me that I had gone up a cup size - fail!), and stopped over VS's to see the baby. She is so cute! A very happy baby, she doesn't even cry. We had a good couple of hours, and then I was happy to give the baby back and I headed over to JM's. I love JM's house, I hope to be like her when I grow up. We wound up chatting and catching up for a bit, and then we got dressed and headed to dinner at Papadeaux's. We ate the bar cause it was packed and the bartender kept us entertained. Then we headed to The Grape, because the saxophone player was performing and he asked me to stop by for a bit. His band was really good. We didn't stay very long, and of course he sent me a text about it, but JM and I were both tired and I wasn't staying until midnight. Sunday I was up and dressed, had a quick breakfast, then rushed to the airport to drop off the car and make my flight. My flight was totally booked and the two folks next to me were Chatty Cathy's, but overall it was ok. It was nice to get back to Orlando, I was tired of traveling. Once again, another good time in Atlanta....I get to do it all over again in 3 weeks.

Moving is Hell

2008-09-28T18:40:00.002-05:00

Actually, I take that back. Moving is worse than hell. Could you imagine moving for an entire eternity? That would suck to the highest level of sucktivity. My move was hell for the following reasons: *Out of the 6 folks who were all "yeah, I'd love to help you move!", 3 canceled on me THE NIGHT BEFORE AND ONE CANCELED AN HOUR BEFORE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP! *Both apartments looked like war zones at some point, which sucks to live in. *I am all bruised up and sore from all the heavy lifting that I had to do when folks flaked on me. I have a lovely bruise on my left forearm, both of my upper arms ache, my back is in more pain than normal, my thighs are sore, my butt is sore, my neck hurts....I could just go on and on. However, there were some bright spots. Two people actually kept their word and came, and I called someone in tears cause of my cancellations and he came to help too, which was good. And the actual moving parts from start to finish only took 2.5 hours with 4 people. Beyond that, how the hell did I get so much crap? I filled a 16 foot truck with my stuff, and then I had to make 20 trips to the dumpster, and that's after I gave away a ton of stuff to Goodwill and a friend. My packrat nature must be stopped, this is unnatural, I simply cannot save everything. And the new place is great. I'm writing from my second bedroom right now, which is now the computer room/guest room/large storage area. I'm exploring my new neighborhood, today I visited my neighborhood Publix, which is much different from the store by my old place. I've unpacked a bit, but I have no idea where my work clothes are, and I should figure that out before I have to be up tomorrow at 5AM for work.

Love

2008-09-24T19:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday right after work I rushed off to Circuit City to pick up a copy of Sex and the City: The Movie....and I've watched it twice since then. I love that movie. No, I love love love that movie. When I first saw it back on May 30 (btw this is the one movie where I remember the date it premiered, how crazy is that?) I walked out the theater tired but also feeling like I had closure. And I still feel that way. Every time the movie ends I just sigh and I feel....satisfied. Yeah, I hate how Carrie and Big got back together, AGAIN, but at the same time, it just works. Some folks are just meant to be together, and no amount of breaking up and getting back together will stop that. Tonight as I watched the move (instead of packing like I was supposed to be doing) I reflected briefly on the loves of my own life. I still feel like I've only had one great love (HW for those who know me) but that's wasn't THE GREAT LOVE - you know, the love that keeps you coming back, the love that nothing or no one can keep a part, a love that you just can't shake or get out of your system, no matter how hard you try. I know it is meant for me one day, but not today, and I'm fine with that. I don't think I could handle it if it came to me today. But just the idea of having that kind of love (minus the standing up at the wedding and whatnot) makes me smile. I no longer fear going through life and not being loved. I know it is in the universe for me. I also decided that I need several items from the movie, post haste. I had almost forgotten how fab the fashion was in this film.

Listen to this...

2008-09-21T12:34:00.002-05:00

Listen to this song...remember this? What a great song! I was going through some old mix CD's that were unmarked, trying to figure out what was on them, when I heard this song. I had to stop what I was doing, and dance, and then I had to listen to it again and really pay attention to the words. What a great song, and what a great theme. Enjoy your life, make the most of what you have, enjoy each experience to the fullest, don't focus on the negative things in your life, celebrate the beautiful. I'm going to keep that message with me as I go about my 26th year of life, and I hope you keep it with you. And BTW, where the heck is Teedra?!? I love her! I read on the Internets that she's working on a new album "Young Lioness"....I need that to come out STAT!