Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everyone's Looking For Their Own...

I was talking to a friend the other night...discussing his love life, specifically a date he had lined up. Then he tells me about another woman he met, and he described her as having "Michelle Obama swag". I asked him for a definition...and he had nothing (boooooooooooooo!).
All I could do was *sigh*
It was bad enough when every chick had a FB status message proclaiming that they were looking for their Barack...now the men are in on this thing too? For real yall? Every college-educated Black person is looking their Barack or Michelle?
I'm all for folks having standards. Yall know there are way too many folks out there who either have no standards, or they are so low that midgets can hurdle over them, so I support that folks have standards & attributes that they are seeking in a future mate.
Am I the only one who bothered by this whole idea of holding the Obamas as some kind of Black marriage Holy Grail? Yes, they are a fabulous, successful couple that the entire world stans for, including me. Yes, they seem to genuinely love & support each other. But they aren't the be-all end-all perfect couple with the perfect marriage. They've been pretty candid about the issues they've had in their marriage and how they had to work & compromise to keep their family intact. I think its dangerous to romanticize anybody else's relationship...because when you get in your own, & its a lot harder than you imagined it to be, you're more apt to just give up on the whole thing.
Not to mention, there's the whole entitlement factor. We already got chicks out there thinking that dudes who don't have power locks aren't good enough for them...Now you gotta be an Ivy League educated attorney, former Senator & President of the United States to satisfy these women? And the men aren't off the hook either...its bad enough women are getting lacefronts and butt implants to impress men, now the ladies gotta get multiple degrees and be able to run a hospital by day & take care of the kids by night. The crazy part is that a lot of the folks who have such impossible standards, actually dont meet them themselves. What kind of sense does that make?
Now granted, its been a very long while since we've had such a couple to aspire to. Not since the Huxtables have young Black people had a power couple that was so prevalent in society to look towards as an example. But at the same time, I think for a lot of folks its just a setup for failure...mostly cause most folks aren't smart enough or deep enough to glean a specific message from the Obamas, or even the Huxtables. Too many folks are looking for those "resume" attributes when choosing a mate, when instead they should look at the relationship characteristics that their example couple exhibits & using that as a guide. Maybe you shouldn't only date attorneys, but instead look for someone who is willing to compromise their goals for the good of the family as a whole. Maybe instead of looking for a mate that's balling out of control, look for one who stands behind you & your choices 100%.
Thoughts?

4 comments:

Candice W. said...

I honestly think when people say that they want their "Barack" or "Michelle" that they're saying they want somebody that has characteristics that are becoming of a successful, supportive, loving, mate. They seem to be positive role models in a way.

Of course every relationship has their issues...we're human. But I don't see a problem with a person having those sentiments that they want somebody that is doing something for themselves. Now do they have to have the "resume" and be the perfect replicas that the Obamas are? I don't think they're saying that at all.

Maybe it's just that one friend of yours that couldn't express what he meant, for whatever reason, but for a majority of folks I don't think are holding them as a "marriage holy grail." It's more so that they see this couple as a positive thing out of all the negativity. (same thing with the Huxtables) It's honestly a refreshing thing to see.

LM said...

Let's not let one bad apple spoil the bunch. Your friend(I'm so glad this is not a "my friend" situation) has to figure out what those "First Lady Michelle" qualities are he's looking for.
As long as we "glean" the right messages from watching the Obamas/Huxtables, I'm all for it. Everyone wasn't blessed like me to look at my parents' relationship as an example of what marriage is and can be.
No marriage is perfect regardless of education, upbringing, race, or financial status because imperfect people are joining together as one.

Jubilance said...

I totally hear you ladies points.

I grew up seeing ZERO positive relationships, including my parents. So I can relate to needing to find a positive example out there.

Maybe I just read too many Black relationship blogs & know the wrong folks, but I'm really seeing folks who are not gleaning more general lessons from the Obamas or Huxtables, they are gleaning the "resume" stats & whatnot. I certainly dont want to discourage folks from having standards, I'm simply questioning if these standards have been developed with some thought...or are ppl simply saying "I wanna be married to a future President one day too."

Maybe I just know the wrong folks & read/hear the wrong conversations, but I'm not really seeing what you ladies are seeing. I just want folks to not romanticize any relationship, whether the couple be famous or not. Every relationship takes work, sacrifice & compromise, celebrity or not.

CrazyGirl said...

Yeah...I had to stop saying I was looking for my own "Barack". It was really limiting me in my dating life! I interviewed three power couples for a panel at Harvard, and I realized it's a lot harder than people think to maintain a power couple marriage!

You can read about what I learned from the power couples here: http://crazygirlnation.com/2010/03/lessons-from-power-couples/

Great post!