Sunday, May 2, 2010

I've Moved!

I decided to move the blog, because Blogger was giving me fits. Its been fun, but its time to move.

So the new blog address is:

http://blackgirlunlost.wordpress.com

Pls adjust your bookmarks, Google Reader, RSS feeds, etc. And tell your friends!

Monday, April 19, 2010

My Minnesota Dating Life

I've been back in Minneapolis for about 3 months now, and it has been great. I'm so happy to be back.

Since I've been back, my dating life has been interesting with its shares of ups and downs.

When I got my job offer, I was dating 3 different men in Orlando. When I left, I was down to 1, cause 1 dude got cut (that damn DB, I kept giving him chance after chance and he kept fucking up!) and 1 dude cut me since I was leaving (oh well). The dude that I kept was the one I liked the most out of the 3, and had I stayed in Orlando he would have been my boyfriend. Anyway, we still talk but I'm not sure what's going to happen.

Before I moved, there was a guy, MD, who was sweating me hard and couldn't wait for me to move because he wanted us to date. Yet once I was arrived, he went AWOL - very curious. I've pretty much written him off...he asked me out last night but I don't think I'm going. He isn't consistent and I don't have time for that.

Don't think I've been sitting at home bored tho. I've been going out on dates almost every weekend, which has been great. I reconnected with someone I knew back in college...well actually, we "knew" each other in college but didn't really know much about each other, so we're connecting for the first time. Its been fun spending time with him and getting to know him. I know it won't turn into anything serious, at least not anytime soon, and I'm more than cool with that. But my desire for a serious relationship hasn't changed, so I'm going to keep swimming in the Twin Cities dating pool.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Making Friends

Remember when it was so easy to make friends?  You met other kids on the playground or at Cub/Girl Scouts or at school...You played on the jungle gym, or passed notes to each other in class and a friendship was born.

Making friends is so easy when you're young, especially when you're in an environment where everyone is around the same age and has a shared experience, like school (including college).  But how do you make friends when you don't have the benefit of constantly being surrounded by like-minded people?

This was my conundrum when I moved to Florida, and to some extent since I've moved back to Minnesota.  By nature of my industry and career, at work I'm surrounded by older White men (with a few White women sprinkled in), and that's not really a source of friends.  Having sorors is great, but just because two people share the same Greek letters, that doesn't mean they will be friends.

So when you're out of school and in your career, how do you make friends?  My strategy was to dive-in & get involved with activities that would allow me to meet new folks, via Meetup groups & Restaurant Mafia in Orlando.  I had friends in other places hook me up with their friends in Orlando, so at least I'd know a couple folks, which helped a lot.

But meeting people is just step 1...it takes more than that be friends with someone.  That's the part I'm not good at - not being a friend (cause I think I'm a good friend), but recognizing that someone wants to be more than casual acquaintances with you and hanging out with them.  I tend to not want to bother people or take up too much of their time, so with several of the friends I've made in the past 5 years, it took me forever to get close with them.  I wasn't hiding, I was just oblivious & also shy (what can I say, I'm a wuss).  Asking a guy out on a date is easy...but asking someone to hang out as friends?  Tricky...at least for me.

So how do you make friends as an adult?  Am I the only one who has a hard time with it?  Let me know!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Who Is Jubilance?

A blogger & Twitter friend @faydra_deon asked me if I had a bio on my blog, and I realized I didn't!

Some of you know me IRL, others e-know me from the Internets, and I'm sure some of you just stumbled on this crazy blog & keep reading cause you liked it.  But I've never really introduced myself on this blog...or even on Confessions of a Grad School Slave either, so what the heck, I can do it now!

So who is Jubilance?  Well let's see...

I'm the oldest of 4 kids. I have 2 brother right below me, who are both married and have kids.  My sister is the baby.  My brothers had 3 babies 5 days apart (1 set of twins & 1 single birth) so I am the proud auntie of 3 gorgeous little ladies who I love to pieces.  All my siblings live in MI, along with both my parents, my aunts & uncles & most of my cousins.  I'm the only one so far who has left, and I have zero plans to move back.  I try to get home & visit my family whenever I can.

I've always been bossy, or as my dad liked to say at parent-teacher night "VERY assertive".  I've always had a leader mentality which my dad encouraged.  Now as an adult I've learned how to tone it down a bit in certain situations.

I'm from MI, but I went to college in MN, and apparently that confuses people...like what, folks can't go to college out of state? For real? 0_o  I loved my college experience: I made great friends, partied, road-tripped, pledged, partied some more, fell in love, fell out of love, grew & learned so much about myself, and occasionally went to class too.  I'm very proud of the fact that I graduated with a degree in Chemistry in 4 years, 8 semesters & no summers to be exact.  Sometimes I wish I had extended my collegiate experience a bit longer, but I definitely enjoyed myself while I was there.

I loved my grad school experience in Atlanta too...I'm very happy that I figured out that a PhD wasn't what I wanted before it was too late to walk away.  I had a ball in Atlanta but I couldn't settle down there permanently.  I love to visit tho!

My bff in the whole wide world is LK.  We've known each other for 10+ years, after we met at a summer engineering program at the University of Michigan.  Through the years he's always been there & I will always love him.  My mom loves him too & I think she's doing some voodoo spell right now to try to get us together, LOL.


I pledged Sigma Gamma Rho my senior year of undergrad and I love my sorority.  I remember when I first pledged, I was such a neo.  Its been almost 7 years and I've definitely mellowed on Greek life.  I can't tell you the last time I wore nailia, or strolled, or even went to a stepshow.  BTW, Jubilance is my linename, and that's how a lot of folks know me, if you know me from the Internets.  In fact, some folks call me Jubi more than they use my real name.  My linename reflected not only how I was online but also my overall personality & demeanor, so I don't mind being referred to as Jubilance or Jubi.

My last relationship was in August 2006, so its been almost 4 years since I was someone's gf.  For a long time I was anti-relationship.  Then there was my relationship-ADD & my 3 month rule (where I'd date a guy for about 3 months & then get bored with him).  I've reflected, grown & gotten my life together, so I'm ready to be in a relationship again...with the right man.  I've dated a lot since August 2006, had some almost-bf's, but haven't done the titles thing.  I think its time to change that.

I'm a Twitter addict.  When LK first invited me to join I was like "wtf is a Twitter?".  Now I'm a junkie.  Apps on the phone, Tweetdeck @ home, and I'm on the website at work as much as I can.  For over a year I did a daily question of the day, but I've had to let it go since I can't access Twitter from my BB @ work anymore :-/

I have a really bad handbag habit.  I really love Gucci, Michael Kors, and the leather Coach bags (the signature, not so much...).  Right now I'm scheming on a couple of Michael Kors bags and a new Gucci, I figure I deserve it.  Living in Orlando was both good & bad for my handbag habit: good in that several outlets were in town or nearby (including one of the few Gucci outlets in St. Augustine) but bad in that now I have way too many bags in my closet.  I figure everyone has their "thing" that they spend $$$ on, for some its shoes, or electronics, or world travel...for me, its expensive handbags. 

I am a huge SATC fan.  I have every season on DVD, along with the movie.  I will be at the midnight showing for SATC2.  I know most of the dialogue for almost every episode by heart.  SATC is what got into fashion & accessories, and my wardrobe has gotten much more fabulous.

Professionally, I am a polymer/analytical chemist.  My first job out of grad school was with a defense contractor, as a member of the laboratory staff.  Job was great, but my timetable for promotions wasn't matching up with theirs, so I left 2 months ago.  Leaving also allowed me to move back to MN, which I love.  I got a promotion & I'm in a totally new industry, so I'm learning a lot.  In my new role I do much more analytical chemistry, which is an adjustment, but I'm adding my skills to my skillset so I'm happy.

I'm very social, I love to go out and do things.  I'm not the type that likes to sit in the house, especially sit in the house up under a dude.  I wanna be with my boo, but I want to get out and do activities, which is why I needed to be in a city with lots of activities & culture.  I love museums, restaurants, bars, plays, sporting events, taking long weekends to somewhere new, all that good stuff.  If its out & about, I wanna do it.

I'm very extroverted.  I'm the type of person who will start randomly talking to strangers while waiting in a long line at the bank.  I'm the woman who will chat it up with a guy at the bar.  I feed off my interactions with other people, it gives me energy.  I enjoy my alone time, but no one could confuse me for being introverted at all.  I'm about as extroverted as you can get.

I have the greatest mom ever.  We're very close & I'm so lucky that I have such a great mom.  She's had a lot of struggles in her life & she worked really hard to give her kids the life she didn't have growing up.  I joke & say that she must have had a clone because she worked full-time, went to school, took care of 4 kids & a husband and never missed a game, parent-teacher conference or school play.  My mom is my idol & should I ever have kids, I hope that I can be even half the mother she is.

I'm a feminist.  I don't want to be equal to a man, I love being a woman.  I want women to have the same access and opportunities that men have, and mainstream Western society is nowhere near that.  I tend to think in a very egalitarian manner, especially when it comes to gender roles in relationships.  I don't subscribe to the idea that I have to wait for a man to approach me, or that because I'm the woman I'm supposed to cook and clean.  Because I work in a very male-dominated field, I often feel more pressure & tend to look at things from a more feminist point of view.

I grew up in a very pro-Black household.  My dad read a lot of Marcus Garvey, Malcom X, and Louis Farrakhan, and was briefly a member of NOI.  Growing up, I remember my dad making us write reports on influential Black leaders & making us read them outloud to him before he would let us go play.  All I had were Black dolls, books with Black characters and pictures, Black films, etc. in our house.  As a child, I didn't understand what he was trying to give me...but once I was out in the real world, I understood.  He tried to give us a foundation in our culture, a love & pride in my history & people, so that I could carry it with me always.  I have & I thank my father for giving me those invaluable lessons.

I have plans for world domination.  My ultimate career goal is to become VP of R&D for a Fortune 100 company.  I have a business idea that I've been kicking around with my good friend LM, and I also have an investment idea with my buddy FS.  Eventually I'd like to get married, but I'm still undecided on the kids thing.  I want to mentor kids, especially young Black girls & make a significant impact on the world.

My other attributes...well, lets see: I can be a snob at times (tho I'm not as bad as I was, I guess I've matured); I love to laugh & crack jokes; I have a smart/sarcastic mouth; I'm fiercely loyal & I expect it back from the folks I call my friends; I detest when people judge other folks & I try not to judge because of that; I love variety, I get bored very easily; I'm a voracious reader; and I can talk for hours if the conversation is stimulating.

Learned enough abt me yet? Got anymore questions? Ask away!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Cheek Kiss

Everyone has something that is their "thing" right? A signature word/phrase/activity/mannerism that is unique to them...or at least unique enough that the folks they know associate it to them. I'm known for a lot of things...like telling people they need to do better & to get their lives together...the word "fabulous"...but with the fellas I'm known for one special move: the cheek kiss. That's right, I'm all about getting a kiss on the cheek. I don't even remember how it started...but somehow it became "my thing". I point to my cheek, & they know what to do, LOL. My friend QL said its kinda cougarish, LMAO. I think its cute. I love getting a kiss on the cheek from a guy, its like being a little kid again. Its sweet & endearing & completely non-sexual. I give cheek kisses too, but I'd rather receive one. A cheek kiss from a guy that you like, that also likes you back? That is the bestest. Anybody else into cheek kisses?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Online Love

I started thinking about online relationships the other day. Not online dating in the traditional sense of Match.com & Blackpeoplemeet.com...but in terms of just meeting a person that would like to date, but you happen to meet online.
I know several couples who have met on various sites: Facebook, Myspace, various message boards (Greeks are notorious for this I think ), etc. In those settings, its not really about "meeting someone" (well maybe Myspace is abt that now, but it wasn't always that way, but I digress...)....its about connecting with like-minded folks & sharing your opinion. Even now, folks are linking up via Twitter, and I know there have to be a ton of relationships out there that started via Twitter. "Meeting" online is an interesting thing...cause you only know that person based on what they blog/post/tweet & that could either be a great representation of their personality & mannerisms, or they could be playing a character. Over the years I've meet folks in both groups: some folks are themselves on the 'Net & off, while others enjoy the anonymity of the 'Net & the ability to be someone that they aren't IRL. So what's the appeal of dating someone that you know from the Internets? In some ways, getting to know someone without the stress of physical interaction could be a great thing...provided that both people are being sincere & being themselves. Often those relationships go to a deeper level, because the only interaction that you can have requires some type of communication & sharing of information. Whether its a friendship or something more, being able to start off with strong communication is key. I gotta say, I've met some great friends online...and a few great lovers too. Besides being on FB & Twitter, I've belonged to various message boards over the years. I've gotten to connect with some folks that I would have never met otherwise. Some folks are "Internet-only friends", while others are the type of friends that you travel to see...or at least call when you're in their city. As for the men I've met...some have turned into friends...some got the boot...some were just casual Internet flirtations.... Given how prevalent social networking & other sites are now, & how wired so many people live (especially in my generation), I expect to hear even more "how we met" stories begin with the words "online", "on this website" or something similar. Ever dated or become IRL friends with someone you met online? I wanna hear stories in the comments!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Everyone's Looking For Their Own...

I was talking to a friend the other night...discussing his love life, specifically a date he had lined up. Then he tells me about another woman he met, and he described her as having "Michelle Obama swag". I asked him for a definition...and he had nothing (boooooooooooooo!).
All I could do was *sigh*
It was bad enough when every chick had a FB status message proclaiming that they were looking for their Barack...now the men are in on this thing too? For real yall? Every college-educated Black person is looking their Barack or Michelle?
I'm all for folks having standards. Yall know there are way too many folks out there who either have no standards, or they are so low that midgets can hurdle over them, so I support that folks have standards & attributes that they are seeking in a future mate.
Am I the only one who bothered by this whole idea of holding the Obamas as some kind of Black marriage Holy Grail? Yes, they are a fabulous, successful couple that the entire world stans for, including me. Yes, they seem to genuinely love & support each other. But they aren't the be-all end-all perfect couple with the perfect marriage. They've been pretty candid about the issues they've had in their marriage and how they had to work & compromise to keep their family intact. I think its dangerous to romanticize anybody else's relationship...because when you get in your own, & its a lot harder than you imagined it to be, you're more apt to just give up on the whole thing.
Not to mention, there's the whole entitlement factor. We already got chicks out there thinking that dudes who don't have power locks aren't good enough for them...Now you gotta be an Ivy League educated attorney, former Senator & President of the United States to satisfy these women? And the men aren't off the hook either...its bad enough women are getting lacefronts and butt implants to impress men, now the ladies gotta get multiple degrees and be able to run a hospital by day & take care of the kids by night. The crazy part is that a lot of the folks who have such impossible standards, actually dont meet them themselves. What kind of sense does that make?
Now granted, its been a very long while since we've had such a couple to aspire to. Not since the Huxtables have young Black people had a power couple that was so prevalent in society to look towards as an example. But at the same time, I think for a lot of folks its just a setup for failure...mostly cause most folks aren't smart enough or deep enough to glean a specific message from the Obamas, or even the Huxtables. Too many folks are looking for those "resume" attributes when choosing a mate, when instead they should look at the relationship characteristics that their example couple exhibits & using that as a guide. Maybe you shouldn't only date attorneys, but instead look for someone who is willing to compromise their goals for the good of the family as a whole. Maybe instead of looking for a mate that's balling out of control, look for one who stands behind you & your choices 100%.
Thoughts?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Used To Love Him...

...but now I don't... I was driving him from work today...my iPod was on shuffle...and that song came on. I hadn't heard it in forever...I had to listen to it twice. This song is ME. Lyrics: As I look at what I've done The type of life that I've lived How many things I pray the father will forgive One situation involved a young man He was the ocean and I was the sand He stole my heart like a thief in the night Dulled my senses blurred my sight I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't I chose a road of passion and pain Sacrificed too much and waited in vain Gave up my power ceased being queen Addicted to love like the drug of a fiend Torn and confused wasted and used Reached the crossroad which path would I choose Stuck and frustrated I waited, debated For something to happen that just wasn't fated Thought what I wanted was something I needed When momma said no I just should have heeded Misled I bled till the poison was gone And out of the darkness arrived the sweet dawn I used to love him but now I don't I used to love him but now I don't Father you saved me and showed me that life Was much more than being some foolish man's wife Showed me that love was respect and devotion Greater than planets deeper than oceans My soul was weary but now it's replenished Content because that part of my life is finished I see him sometimes and the look in his eye Is one of a man who's lost treasures untold But my heart is gold I took back my soul And totally let my creator control The life which was his to begin with I used to love him but now I don't So many parts of this song speak to me...and about my love life up to this point. Especially Mary's verse, where she sings about following your passion because you're addicted to the love...sacrificing your crown for some man...knowing it good be so good, wishing/hoping/praying for it be as good as you know it could be...but its not. Yeah, that's been me. I have a really bad habit of loving hard. I go all in when I feel it, I just dive head-first into the pool of feelings...and sometimes I go in so deep & so fast that I can't make it out. And then once I do make it out, I refuse to test the waters again. I travel on a pendulum, and I swing from one extreme to the next, and then back again... I'm tired of that. Maybe I can wise up & figure this love/relationship thing out.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

formspring.me

You're a beautiful , intellegent, extremely focused woman. What are you looking for in a potential mate, if you even ARE looking. And what are some qualities you feel you would NOT put up with, no matter what?

Thank you! The short answer is that I'm looking for a man that loves me, complements me, respects me, and is loyal to me. I've learned that the resume stats don't matter nearly as much as the way a man treats you, if he keeps his word, is faithful, etc. I think I'd fit best with a man who loved life & to have fun, who didn't take himself too seriously but knew it when was time to be serious, whose lifeplan matched up at least somewhat with mine, and challenged me to be the best person I can be.

Lets see...stuff I can't put up with: lying, cheating, disrespect, physical/mental/emotional abuse, men who have been incarcerated, multiple children by multiple women, addiction issues, misogynist behavior, or not being accepting of all/who I am.

Whats on your playlist?

I have a ton of playlists on my iPod...mostly depending on my mood. I've got a lot of Mary J Blige, Jay-Z, Drake, Teedra Moses, and Aaliyah stuff. I have a lot of old stuff that I listened to growing up, especially a lot of old school stuff that my parents played. As for more recent stuff, I've been listening to a lot of Wale and Drake lately, along with some Teedra Moses, Melanie Fiona's new album, and Esthero (I love her, she needs to do a new album). Oh and Foreign Exchange stays in rotation a lot too.

Ask me anything

Friday, February 5, 2010

formspring.me

Do you have any scars on your body? If so, how'd you get them?

I have a small scar on my knee from well I split my knee open on a rock. I have some discoloration on my shins from when I fell off my babysitter's porch as a child & took off all the skin on my shins.

Ask me anything